Alas, Yorick

Headphones Kill

2012-01-16T22:25:00.001-05:00

Forty-seven pedestrians in the US in 2011 were killed while wearing headphones. Up from 16 in 2004.

Headphones kill.

Bad Sports Day

2011-11-11T18:16:00.004-05:00

I cannot remember the last time the Washington Post sports section was so depressing.

First and perhaps worst is the whole Penn State child rape scandal. What the hell was McQueary and Paterno and the rest of them thinking? If they had acted sooner, how many rapes of young boys could have been avoided? The students' reaction to Paterno's firing is also a bit depressing. I suspect they'll look back at this and be embarrassed at their reaction. Paterno's departure under these circumstances is unfortunate. But it's not as bad as not acting immediately to prevent child rape.

Second (and perhaps the worst if he is killed) is the kidnapping of Wilson Ramos, the catcher for the Washington Nationals, in his home town in Venezuela. Kidnapping is lucrative business in Venezuela and somebody like Ramos, a major league baseball player and therefore very well known in baseball-crazy Venezuela, is an attractive target. I hope he gets out alive, of course. And even apart from the pain this brings Ramos and his family, this has to be bad news for Venezuela's winter baseball leagues. I think if I'm a major league club I ban my players from going there - though it may not be possible to tell Venezuelans not to go to their home.

And finally, news (again) that if DC United don't get a soccer-only stadium, they might leave DC. That would suck.

Frankfurt

2011-10-29T11:33:00.003-04:00

And I had a day in Frankfurt, Germany, too.

India

2011-10-29T11:26:00.009-04:00

I spent a few days in Mumbai, and had a quick trip to the Taj Mahal, too. A few photos...

Montana

2011-08-13T10:46:00.005-04:00

Spent a few days in and around Missoula, Montana, earlier this month. Nice place, good coffee and plenty of huckleberries. A few photos... From the top: a view from Fort Missoula; McDonald Lake in Glacier National Park; Garnet ghost town; snow in Glacier National Park.

The View of Sydney

2011-07-31T14:14:00.002-04:00

Strange Maps is a cool website. The latest one is amusing - Here There Be Bogans: Four Miniatures of Sydney Stereotypes.

An Invitation to Identity Theft?

2011-07-31T13:49:00.003-04:00

A few weeks ago, a neighbor lady came by. She said she was updating the neighborhood directory, and asked if she could have my name & phone number.

I politely said I'd rather not be included. I think she was surprised, but she moved on.

This morning I went out to grab the newspaper, and saw that a copy of the neighborhood directory had been left in my mailbox. It covers the 84 houses in our subdivision, with a nice little map included. Since quite a few of the addresses have multiple people listed, I am now the proud possessor of approximately 100 complete names, addresses, phone numbers, and email addresses.

This is like an identity-theft kit, made easy. I am sure the intent is good. But this strikes me as really incautious and wise.

Incidentally, precisely TWO households "asked not to be listed" and are included in that way, just an address but no names or anything. OUR house is listed - with the names, phone numbers, and email addresses of the previous residents. Oh well at least it's not me.

Chaos on the Dinner Plate

2011-02-05T08:17:00.002-05:00

Recently discovered this funny strip, "Scary Gary". This one was at: http://comics.com/scary_gary/2010-06-19/

So Long, White Stripes

2011-02-03T20:51:00.002-05:00

The White Stripes call it a day. Add them to the list of bands I wish I'd seen before they quit.

If You Have to Ask...

2011-01-16T14:03:00.003-05:00

Today Nick Bilton in the New York Times described how he and his wife went to Barnes & Noble, leafed through a bunch of interior design books, and made photocopies of various designs and drawings, to give to the contractor to redo the kitchen in a house they plan to buy. (The fact that it was with a camera phone is just an interesting technological aside, not the fundamental question.)

Bilton asks, "Did we do anything wrong?" The rest of the column fudges the question.

The short answer is, Yes you did something wrong. And you really know it, because you're already feeling guilty.

Labor Day

2010-09-06T14:40:00.002-04:00

Hope it's a good one...

Cupcakes? Really?

2010-08-16T10:20:00.001-04:00

I like a good cupcake as much as anybody. But really - standing in line for hours for a friggin' cupcake?

I don't get it.

But it's a new tourism spot in Washington DC...

A Few Photos from Massachusetts

2010-05-10T18:29:00.007-04:00

Okay a few photos below, from Lexington and Concord (you know, the American Revolution), and the USS Constitution, "the oldest commissioned warship still afloat."

Be Aware

2010-03-06T16:39:00.003-05:00

...that we now have a camera trained on the front door, if you are the type of idiot that is thinking of unscrewing our lightbulb. It's been done another three times or so.

And the Word of the Decade Is...

2010-01-09T19:49:00.002-05:00

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/01/08/AR2010010803692.html?hpid=topnews

The American Dialect Society named its Word of the Decade. "Google". I suspect you've heard that word once or twice, but hard as it is to imagine, it wasn't in everyday usage back in 2000.

Update on the Light Phobic Neighbor

2009-12-22T20:08:00.004-05:00

On Sunday evening the landlord (who lives far far away from here) calls. She said she had gotten a letter from our neighbor across the road, code name Fargo, complaining to HER about our insensitive insistence on keeping a lightbulb lit on our front porch after dark. The landlord said she called her uncle (who lives here) to ask and when she gave him the name of our friend Fargo, he laughed. Because he had just seen a letter from him to the local newspaper complaining about porch lights, commercial lights, car headlights, etc. Though he didn't name any names.

About an hour later somebody knocks on the door. It's 10:45 PM on a cold and very snowy night (we'd gotten about 15 inches). I knew who it would be. I was right, it was our old friend Fargo.

I opened the door and said "I'm sorry but I'm leaving the light on, you might as well go home". He said "You're leaving it on because you're a stubborn asshole." I repeated my line, he repeated his, I closed the door, he left.

As encouraged before, we called the cops. A couple of patrolmen came by a few minutes later, I told them the above. They looked at our blinding 60-watt lightbulb, and shook their heads. They trudged across the snowy street to talk to Fargo. But curiously, Fargo's house was pitch black. It's NEVER completely dark at his house. You can see lights in his house (and now his Christmas tree) until late at night because he NEVER closes any blinds or curtains... which might help him to blot out the terrible bright lights that inflict his sensitive little eyes.

The cops stood outside of his mysteriously dark house for about 10 minutes, knocking. I don't believe Fargo ever answered the door.

So the count: two personal visits; two stolen light bulbs; one letter to our landlord; one letter to the local paper. That doesn't include him smashing his immediate neighbors' lightbulb in their driveway, coming to our neighbors on our left in his underwear late at night to scream about his lights, following the same neighbor (a tall, big burly guy) home from the local convenience store late at night screaming at him about his lights, etc.

Truly a charmer.

The Saga of the Disappearing Light Bulbs

2009-12-12T14:22:00.004-05:00

A few weeks ago, a lightbulb disappeared. It was from the outside light on our front porch. And it disappeared yesterday, as well.

In between was much drama.

It seems that this lightbulb offended a guy who lives across the road. Not DIRECTLY across the road - across the road from our neighbors to our right. With the leaves coming off of the trees, now this 60 watt lightbulb shines directly into his house, deeply disturbing him.

How do I know this? He told me. After the first bulb disappearance (a Saturday), we received a letter on that Tuesday from this person, which said (paraphrasing slightly) that our outside light bugged him, so we should spare him and turn it off. That same Tuesday evening our esteemed neighbor from across the road knocked on the door, reeking of booze. He again asked me to turn off the light, which he said was designed to bother him. Many insulting things crossed my mind, including the impulse to tell him to draw his blinds or close his curtains. But I was really pissed, so I kept it short and civil. I told him that I would leave the light on at night, period. We went back and forth a few times, getting nowhere. I finally said "good night" and closed the door. A few minutes later I checked - he had unscrewed the lightbulb. I screwed it back in. The combination of the letter, his harangue, and the unscrewed lightbulb seems to me to be pretty strong circumstantial evidence that this person was the lightbulb thief.

Now this same guy had back in August come out late one night and screamed at our neighbor on the left about HIS light. So he has a track record. On the Wednesday after our Tuesday encounter, he followed our left-neighbor (a very nice guy) home from a convenience store, haranguing him the entire way about HIS light. Our neighbor called the police, but Mr Easily Disturbed By Distant Lights stood there yelling at him anyway. The police showed up quickly.

Mr Easily Disturbed By Distant Lights has been warned about his behavior at least twice now by the police. I thought maybe he had gotten over it, but the disappearance of the lightbulb again shows that perhaps he hasn't. This is not a particularly narrow road. Both houses are reasonably well back from the road as well, unlike some streets here. The STREETLIGHT that is directly in front of this guy's house doesn't seem to bother him. But our feeble little 60 watt bulb somehow does.

Who is this clown? He's nobody special. However, he is nobody special who has had a film made about him by a family member! You can check out the trailer for this documentary, and learn our neighbor's name and see his face, here. I haven't watched the whole thing yet.

Halloween Stats

2009-10-31T23:32:00.002-04:00

So tonight in Newport, we had 15 kids come to the house for trick or treat. Youngest was really little, probably three. Oldest maybe 12 or so. They came in three large batches, and two singletons.

About what I expected. But not like when I was a kid when it seemed like a hundred kids would come by, and when we were out trick or treating we could see kids all up and down the block.

Different days.

Thought for the Day

2009-10-01T16:34:00.001-04:00

It's hard to shoplift online.

Oh No, There Goes Sydney

2009-09-24T12:38:00.004-04:00

Wow, things have really gone downhill since I left Australia...

Food, Rhode Island Style

2009-09-14T22:10:00.003-04:00

It's a whole new language up here food-wise. In Rhode Island, you can drink cabinets and eat grinders. And of course, plenty of chowda.

And searching you can find an article from the Washington Post from a few years back describing Rhode Island food terms, copied below for your culinary convenience...

Rhode Island Food Glossary and Pronunciation Guide

Sunday, August 13, 2006

· Cabinet: When a Rhode Islander ("Row-Die-Lundah") asks for a coffee cabinet, he's not ordering a kitchen cupboard but a dense shake made with ice cream and coffee syrup. Called a frappe in Massachusetts and a milkshake elsewhere, a cabinet comes in all the usual flavors, but coffee's like the official state flavuh.

· Chourico ("shoo-reese"): A spicy Portuguese sausage served grilled like a hot dog, sauteed with green peppers, scrambled with eggs or sliced into seafood chowder. Its milder cousin is linguica ("lingweese").

· Chowda: Okay, chowder. Three versions of that primordial soup with the tang of the sea are offered here. All typically contain chopped clams and clam juice, potato cubes, onion and herbs. Purists divide between New England (creamy) and Rhode Island's unthickened version, which may be called plain, natural or broth. The third version, Manhattan-style, is for those whose curious notion it is that chowder should contain tomatoes. The first New England chowder recipe was published in 1751; tomatoes didn't begin creeping in until the 1830s and still haven't made it far north of Connecticut.

· Clam cakes: No kin to the crab cake, the clam cake is a fritter. Minced clams are mixed in dough and deep-fried. Variables include spices, frying oil and the quantity of clams. The cost of clams now makes them widely scattered in some cakes.

· Coffee milk: A mixture of milk with sweet coffee syrup. It was named the Official State Drink in 1993, barely beating out Del's Frozen Lemonade.

· Del's Frozen Lemonade: A slushy summertime drink sold from a fleet of trucks that roll up to beaches, parks and event venues throughout the Rhode Island summer. From an Italian family recipe using fresh lemon juice, Del's has been synonymous with Rhode Island summers for nearly 60 years.

· Doughboy: No relation to the Pillsbury softy, the Rhode Island doughboy is typically a big square of pizza dough that's deep-fried and dusted with sugar.

· Fish and chips: Fish and chips came to Rhode Island during the Industrial Revolution when English and Irish mill workers brought their appetite for hot fried fish with them. They ate the accompanying potatoes with vinegar; Rhode Islanders still do.

· Grinder ("grinda"): Elsewhere, a sub, torpedo, hero or hoagie.

· Jonnycake: A traditional cornmeal-based pancake served for breakfast at some shoreline diners. ("The Sopranos" got it wrong by locating breakfast jonnycakes in New Hampshire. In northern New England, a johnnycake is singular, a sort of cornbread, and spelled with an "h.")

· Quahog ("co-hog"): A large clam whose shells live on as ashtrays in summer rentals. Their tough meat is chopped or ground for chowda or 'cakes.

· Schrod ("scrod"): In Rhode Island it is usually understood as small codfish, delicious when broiled and served with lemon and butter or Dijon sauce.

· Stuffie: A stuffed quahog. The stuffing includes bread, chopped clams and other ingredients such as green peppers, potatoes, eggs, garlic, onions, spices and sometimes chourico -- but not corn. It is heaped on a quahog shell and baked.

· Zuppa: In Italian, soup. In Rhode Island, zuppa is a light marinara sauce served with seafood over linguine.

-- Carol McCabe

New Bedford

2009-08-29T14:12:00.002-04:00

Made a quick trip yesterday to New Bedford, Massachusetts, about 40 miles from Newport. New Bedford is still a working fishing town, and we poked around the port looking at all the fishing boats. Definitely not built for comfort. Can't imagine being out one one of those suckers. There were a lot in port, partly because of the approach of Tropical Storm Danny, which is soaking us all today.

The main reason was to visit the New Bedford Whaling Museum. It was pretty cool. Some fun facts... New Bedford was the center of American 19th century whaling, and the main reason for the whaling was whale oil to burn in lamps and candles. This is before we discovered oil in Pennsylvania and figured out how to refine and use it, of course. At one point, there were around 750 whaling vessels world-wide, and 400 of them were based out of New Bedford. Pretty impressive.

Downtown New Bedford is nice. Still some cobbled streets, especially near the port. Still a lot of maritime businesses so the port is definitely not a museum piece. Up from the waterfront are a lot of art galleries and artist studios for rent - helped by the fact that UMass and Bristol County College both have set up art schools in downtown NB.

Netflix, This Is REALLY Aggravating

2009-08-29T13:56:00.004-04:00

So we're watching our latest arrival from Netflix, the quirky Canadian comedy "Corner Gas." Season one, disc 2, episode 11 - "Hook, Line and Sinker".

We get halfway thru that episode, and the show stalls. No problem, we'll try washing it with a little Windex. Doesn't work. Report the problem to Netflix, put it in the mail, a couple of days later, we have a second disc.

We get halfway thru that episode, and the show stalls. No problem, we'll try washing it with a little Windex. Doesn't work. Report the problem to Netflix, put it in the mail, a couple of days later, we have a third disc.

We get halfway thru that episode, and the show stalls. No problem, we'll try washing it with a little Windex. Doesn't work. Report the problem to Netflix, put it in the mail, a couple of days later, we have a fourth disc.

We get halfway thru that episode, and the show stalls. No problem, we'll try washing it with a little Windex. Doesn't work.

Uncle. How many identically faulty discs will Netflix send us?

The first three discs all looked a bit dinged on the business side. The fourth disc looked PERFECT. But it isn't.

Which leads me to ask, is Netflix making copies from a bad master disc? How many people have had this problem with this episode of "Corner Gas"?

It is extremely aggravating.

Oh and despite this, I highly recommend "Corner Gas." A very funny show.

Kookaburra Feeding

2009-08-19T22:16:00.001-04:00

Essayist and humor writer David Sedaris has a piece in the New Yorker about his trip to Australia, and his encounter with a kookaburra. Worth a read.

http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2009/08/24/090824fa_fact_sedaris?currentPage=all

Some First Impressions of Newport

2009-08-16T14:18:00.002-04:00

So we made it to Newport, Rhode Island. A few first impressions.

It's Old!

Seriously, by American standards it IS old. It was founded in 1639, and there are some 17th century buildings around and PLENTY of ones from 17-something. It's so old when you see a house built in 1898 you think of it as new.

Most of the old houses are occupied; some look like they're falling apart, but many are still in good shape and/or are being restored now. I'd think this is a good place to be in the restoration business - just up and down the street are three or four old houses with crews swarming over them.

These are the "regular" old houses - haven't gone to check out the mansions of Newport built by the robber barons I mean the Captains of American Industry back in the late 19th century.

Traffic, Good and Bad

Newport isn't a big city, about 36,000. But it's pretty densely populated - and even MORE crowded in August with all the tourists. It hasn't taken me long to sneer at tourists' getting lost or making mistakes behind the wheel, with my solid two weeks of residency here. People here tell is it will be much quieter by October, when most of the tourists have gone home, and the fogs roll in.

And the streets are mostly very narrow. "Broadway" (a main drag) isn't ALL that broad, really! So traffic is kind of at a crawl here - 25 mph speed limits in many places. On the other hand, it's not a bad place to be a pedestrian - cars actually STOP (mostly) when you start crossing the road on a pedestrian crosswalk.

Friendly

Most of the locals we've met - neighbors, restaurant servers, store employees, etc - have been very friendly. So far, so good.

Stuffed French Toast

Okay, I'd never heard of stuffed french toast - but we've seen it on at least four different breakfast menus here. What is it? Two pieces of french toast with bananas, strawberries, or other fruit in between. A couple of places have had an icing of cream cheese and confectioners sugar in the middle; another place had some sort of fresh cream with the fruit.

Oh and in at least one place, it was made with Portuguese sweet bread - a thick, sweet bread just like you'd think. Big Portuguese influence here - Rhode Island is the top destination for Portuguese immigrants to the US, and lots of restaurants have "chorico" (in Spanish, "chorizo") on the menus (a spicy sausage).

The eating here is good - lots of restaurants, from the fancy to the cheap homey sort. Not unexpected in such a big tourist destination.

I've heard some complaints about the PRICE of eating out here. I have to say it hasn't been that bad to me. Maybe that's because I was in Australia, where restaurants were more expensive. Although once you add 8% sales tax and 15% tip you're getting close to Aussie prices!

Alas, Australia; Adios, Canberra

2009-06-21T02:24:00.000-04:00

Alas, Alas, Yorick is leaving Australia this week, after three wonderful years living in Canberra. (That wasn't sarcastic by the way, I really LIKE Canberra.)

So long, Australia. Hope to make it back some day.

300

2009-06-05T23:51:00.002-04:00

Randy Johnson won his 300th game. Pretty impressive. And deserved, he has been one of the great pitchers of the past 20 years.

I like this line though, from Johnson: "I mean, it sounds funny, but you know, I played 21, 22 years, I'm 45 and I've come up with 300 wins, and I'm thinking, 'I only have 211 more to catch Cy Young.' "

RIP

2009-05-16T18:58:00.001-04:00

You may never have heard of Hubert Van Es. But you've certainly seen at least one of his photographs. Van Es just died, aged 67.

ANZAC Day

2009-04-24T21:11:00.004-04:00

It's ANZAC Day in Australia and New Zealand, to remember those killed during the Gallipoli campaign in World War One, and since then in different wars.

It was a key element in the national psyche for Australia, the first time (except against Germans in New Guinea in late 1914) that Australians had fought as AUSTRALIANS, not as troops from New South Wales or South Australia, etc.

Shrinking Flint?

2009-04-22T06:53:00.003-04:00

Flint, Michigan - home of Michael Moore and a town with a once-vibrant auto industry - is confronted by abandoned homes and a shrinking population. So they are talking about "demolishing entire blocks and even whole neighborhoods" to avoid the blight of vacant lots.

Interesting concept. Quite a few American cities are facing this sort of dilemma - and not all in the Rust Belt since Little Rock is one of the cities setting up "land banks."

It's Dusty, Cough Cough

2009-04-16T06:37:00.002-04:00

Yesterday Canberra was hit with a dust storm. Persistent high winds from the west brought clouds of red dust in from hundreds of miles away. It was not very pleasant. I was walking to a meeting mid-afternoon when the winds were probably around 40 mph/65 kph, and the dust was in my eyes and teeth.

Not the worst I've seen - one we had in Mongolia was way worse. But still not pleasant.

Click here if you want to see a slide show of some photos from the dust storm.

Another New Bad Idea Coming to an Internet Near You

2009-04-02T04:32:00.004-04:00

A web site that features reviews of people - not as musicians or professors or doctors, but as a plain old person? This surely won't end well.

Internet columnist Julia Allison, quoted in the ABC story, had it right: "(T)he fact is, the Internet is a place for ad hominem attacks. That's bad, but that's the truth."

And what do you know? If you go to PersonRatings right now, you will see on its front page that Julia Allison is rated 1.80 stars, out of 5.

So I guess I better only say good things about PersonRatings, and hope that nobody goes on-line to call me a poop-head or accuse me of cheating at poker or chastise me for poor taste in neck-ties or criticize my habit of burning toast.

Pets Are Dangerous!

2009-03-27T06:57:00.002-04:00

The Centers for Disease Control report that 86,629 Americans visit the emergency room each year because of pets!

Vicious bites? Claws and scratches?

Nah. We're all just tripping over them. Or over their leash, or their water bowl, or over their toys.

So when you leash up Fido be careful out there - while walking the dogs, we suffer something like 19,000 injuries per year resulting in a trip to the hospital!

Maybe it really is time to consider those robot cats...

Happy St Patrick's Day

2009-03-17T06:20:00.002-04:00

A happy St Patrick's Day to all out there. And remember, if you have never seen Mick Jagger's performance as Ned Kelly in the movie of the same name, you are indeed blessed...

75%

2009-03-04T05:45:00.002-05:00

This is an interesting article. In many sports, performances have demonstrably improved over the past 50 years - faster speeds, higher jumps, heavier weights, etc.

But the percentage of free throws made in college and pro basketball has remained static - 69% in division one college hoops, and 75% in the NBA and the WNBA.

Why? Dunno. But another interesting tidbit - players shoot about 10% points higher in practice than in a game.

A Busy Couple of Weeks

2009-02-20T23:17:00.004-05:00

With our Northern Hemisphere visitor, we were busy. A couple of things...

Uluru is a BIG red rock. We spent a couple of days in the Red Center, around Uluru (Ayers Rock). The country out there was less barren than I'd expected - lots of hardy plants growing out of that red red soil. Uluru is quite a thing to see, this big bare rock rising out of the ground, and apparently extending for miles UNDER the earth, like a big dry hot iceberg. We were lucky with our timing, it was "only" around 95F/34C - mild for February.

Sydney has lots of interesting things going for it - Opera Houses, parks, big bridges, shops, etc. But one night there in the central business district we found something that completely surprised me. A MONGOLIAN restaurant.

Not just a Mongolian restaurant - that would be business suicide. But on Pitt Street in the heart of downtown Sydney is a placed that I'd walked past a hundred times called A La Turko. I thought it was just another Turkish restaurant. But when we went in and looked at the menu, I saw a Mongolian section - khuurshuur (essentially meat pies), byyts (dumplings filled with beef), banshai tsai (tea with dumplings) on the menu, along with the Turkish and European (spaghetti, schnitzel, salads, etc) items. Naturally, the owner is a Mongol. And he has a cool map of the Mongol conquests on his wall, a sign in Mongolian on the back door to a work area telling outsiders not to enter, some Mongolian instruments and decorations around the place. So I had the khuurshuur - five big tasty beef pies for $10. Amtai baisan (tasty)! I bet usually the only people who order the Mongolian dishes are expat Mongols...

The Third Annual Alas, Yorick Predicts the Oscars

2009-02-20T21:01:00.004-05:00

All the way from Los Angeles to Canberra you can just feel the crackling electricity and tension in the air (or is that just indigestion?) - the Oscars are soon to be handed out and everybody's all aquiver with glee. All over Hollywood nominees are practicing their acceptance speeches and are working on their fake "I'm so happy for him/her" smile in case the TV cameras focus on them a split second after that conniving no-good smirking bastard is given the Oscar they so richly do not deserve.

And now, extending a tradition that goes far, far into the past, to the dim days of 2007, Alas, Yorick offers you - the third annual Oscar predictions.

Best Lead Actor (Male Variety): Lets see... hmm, haven't actually SEEN any of these... Ok, let's go by the process of elimination. Brad Pitt was nominated for something called "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button." All of the straight male and lesbian female voters are jealous about Brad being married to Angelina, so Brad's out of luck. Sean Penn did a movie called "Milk," eh? Well, we all have 'got milk', I don't see how an extended advertisement for bovine excretions can POSSIBLY excite the voters, most of whom are too old to remember the days when they could drink milk without causing stomach aches, no dice Penn. Some guy called Richard Jenkins was "The Visitor"; the voters will be too bored by the title to care. Mickey Rourke was nominated for a role in "The Wrestler", but movies about boring sculptures by Rodin won't attract attention and besides Rourke looks like a freak show and there is a strict limit on freak show winners. So Frank Langella will win for his role in "Frost/Nixon," a mile-a-minute romp about criminals who want to "frost" (gang-talk for murder) Richard Nixon. This will appeal to the political leanings of the Hollywood elite, many of whom also dreamed of frosting Nixon.

Best Lead Actress (Female Variety): A tough category. Meryl Streep is nominated every year, apparently because she has incriminating pictures of Oscar voters. But she can't win for being in a movie about "Doubt"; Oscar likes confidence. "Rachel Getting Married" with Anne Hathaway. Nobody wants to watch boring wedding movies at home, what makes you think Oscar voters will like it? Angelina Jolie somehow was nominated for "Changeling", in which she played a small Tinkerbelle-type elf that swapped bad children for lumps of coal or something. Too confusing, and besides everybody knows that when the adoptions reach a certain stage, Oscar will never come calling - ask Mia Farrow. Kate Winslett is riveting in "The Reader", but to be honest 87 minutes of watching somebody read a book is thin gruel for an award. Besides, climate change is a big issue, and so TV's Melissa Leo will surprise all by winning for "Frozen River", the saga of a Greenland family trying to cope with the fact that their own personal frozen river is melting before their very eyes.

Best Supporting Actor: We can cut thru this quickly. Michael Shannon won't win for "Revolutionary Road," movies about developers and their plight in coming up with street names in a new development named after the Fathers of the American Revolution never win. Josh Brolin was in "Milk," but smacking your lips and belching after chugging a big gulp of bovine secretions doesn't get it. Robert Downey Jr. was very brave to take on the role of a retarded TV weather person in southwestern Florida who can only make one weather forecast - "Tropic Thunder" - but as somebody once said, "never do the full retard." Philip Seymour Hoffman is a wonderful actor but I doubt "Doubt" will inspire any wins. Besides, they all face really tough competition - an actor who took on a freakish role, nailed it, and then snuffed it. The late Heath Ledger will win, partly as a "career accomplishment" award, for playing the Joker in "The Dark Knight."

Best Supporting Actress: MORE nominations for "Doubt"? I doubt Amy Adams has a chance. Besides, her name is too bland. Plus, she and Viola Davis (who is perhaps the FINEST actress today named after a musical instrument) will split the doubtful vote. Taraji Henson was with Brad Pitt in "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button," so she will be unseen by the straight women Oscar voters and will inspire jealousy among the gay male voters - no chance. Penelope Cruz was in something called "Vicky Cristina Barcelona," about an insatiable girl who marries an entire city in Spain. Perversion with a Spanish accent rarely wins. So it will go to Marisa Tomei in "The Wrestler," only because many Oscar voters would relish the opportunity to wrestle her.

Best Director: Some like Danny Boyle's chances for "Slumdog Millionaire," but in these difficult economic times nobody wants a movie about a dog with too much money to spend to win. Stephen Daldrey directed "The Reader," but apart from turning the camera on and off how hard was that? Gus Van Sant directed "Milk", which might deserve an Oscar for make up (that is a LOT of white mustaches) but a documentary type movie about drinking milk and pouring it on your cereal isn't a challenge. Again some guy called Fincher directed that Button movie, but the only thing more boring than clothing accessories are the directors of such things. So Ron Howard will win for directing his fantasy of having Richard Nixon rubbed out in "Frost/Nixon".

Best Picture: Nothing new here. "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" might win at a clothing accessories convention, but not in Hollywood. "Milk" might win at the annual Wisconsin Dairy Farmers Convention, but not in Hollywood, "The Reader" might win at the American Library Association Annual Meeting and Mass Read-In, but not in Hollywood. "Slumdog Millionaire" might win at the local dog pound, but not in Hollywood. "Frost/Nixon" - now there is a theme EVERYBODY can get around. In a year when the Democratic candidate won a convincing victory, a movie about the murder of the second-most-despised Republican President of recent history is a shoo-in.

Mom Down Under, Pt 1

2009-02-05T01:05:00.003-05:00

Mom arrived yesterday, woo hoo! So today, we took her out to Tidbinbilla Nature Reserve. We went in the morning to try to beat the heat (today's predicted high 99F/37C). We managed to watch some kangaroos and wallabies, and saw some emus go jogging by. We saw lots of birds, including sulfur-crested cockatoos, black swans, and big pelicans (pelicans - this far in from the ocean?).

We didn't see the koalas though we are sure they were hiding there somewhere...

Then we went the short distance to the Canberra Deep Space Centre for lunch and checked out the genuine moon rock...

Neil Young in Melbourne

2009-01-30T05:49:00.003-05:00

I made the trip to Melbourne to see Neil Young in concert on Wednesday night. A few observations...

Neil Young still rocks

I was worried - I'd read a comment on a website from somebody who said he'd seen Young in concert a couple of years ago and said he was awful, especially his voice. I needn't have worried - Young sounded great. His voice sounded fine - just like you hear on all of his songs going back 40-plus years now. His guitar playing was as great as you could expect. He and his band played for two solid hours, and were very good.

Some complaints - I only knew about half of the songs he played. Some of the stuff, new and old, he played I just wasn't familiar with, although they all sounded good. And after great versions of "Spirit Road" and "Cinnamon Girl" - the highlight of the show - followed a long set of Young's more countrified stuff, including a couple of songs off of Harvest.

But then he finished with a fiery "Keep On Rockin' in the Free World."

When he came out for the encore and started the song and singing, I was disoriented. I knew the song - but this wasn't a Neil Young song. A split second later I realized it was the BEATLES' classic "A Day in the Life." And wow, Neil Young totally owned it. I was wondering as the song built up, how he and his band would handle the "wall of sound" parts of the song. The Beatles never had to worry about that - they had quit playing live shows by the time they released this song on Sargent Pepper's. Young and band just thrashed the guitars, drums, bass, and keyboards to build it up.

Despite muffing a couple of words (the bit about "found my way upstairs and had a smoke, somebody spoke and I went into a dream"), it was great. And the the final wall of sound to end the song was a loud, long, messy, glorious bit of rock-and-roll over the top performance. By the end, Young's guitar strings were breaking and he was using them to flail at the other strings. It was quite a performance.

This was one of the two most surprising encores I've heard. The other? Wilco doing "Don't Fear the Reaper."

But I was still disappointed not to hear my favorite Young song, "Like A Hurricane."

My Morning Jacket

I was glad to see Young - but the presence of Lousville, Kentucky country/prog-rockers My Morning Jacket made me really want to go. These guys are brilliant. They have a reputation for strong stage shows, and they were very good in their 45 minute set.

But...

Outdoor Venues Suck

But this was at the Sidney Myer Music Bowl, an amphitheater featuring a big lawn in a park by the Yarra River in Melbourne. And it had all the problems that this sort of place has. The ground is hard. People walk all over you. Smoking. The music isn't quite loud enough, so the morons around you can still carry on a conversation. And clearly most of the crowd didn't know MMJ, and all around me people were carrying on conversations while MMJ played. I'll have to catch them somewhere when they are the headliners.

Plus Melbourne was in the middle of a heatwave. The daytime high on Wednesday was 44C. That's 111F in American. Either way it's HOT. By the time MMJ started at 7:30 (a full 30 minutes BEFORE my ticket said the show was supposed to start, glad I was there by 7:15) it was still in the upper 90s. At least the sun had stopped beating on us.

And New Devices to Blather At Us

One more thing. Advertisers continue to find new ways to direct commercial messages at us. They especially like captive audiences. And Melbourne Airport has a new (to me) device. A little TV screen that comes on automatically. It is on those hot-air hand dryers! You put your hand under their to dry (no paper towels so you have to) and a little commercial comes on the little screen. It's enough to make a guy want to skip washing his hands.

Fifteen Well-Earned Minutes

2009-01-25T00:24:00.003-05:00

Lots of people earn the proverbial 15 minutes of fame for doing something stupid like getting their head caught in a fence or leading cops on a cross-country car chase culminating in being rescued from a river. Or they earn it for somebody else's stupidity, like that call-girl who was ex-New York Governor Spitzer's regular "date."

But occasionally somebody earns it for something positive, good, not embarrassing, maybe even heroic.

Like Chesley Sullenberg, the pilot who landed the US Airways flight safely on the Hudson River in New York, saving now only his life and the life of others on the plane with him, but also the lives of who knows how many people in Manhattan or the Bronx that his plane could have crashed on.

His hometown of Danville, California gave him a parade. Katie Couric is going to interview him. This guy, who said he and the rest of his crew was "just doing the jobs we were trained to do" (an understatement), has earned it.

Obama - the View from Australia

2009-01-21T16:10:00.003-05:00

The inauguration of Barack Obama as President has gotten a lot of attention in Australia. He has been front-page news all week in all major Australian newspapers, long TV news coverage of his various pre-inaugural events (speeches, train rides, paint jobs). And Australian TV showed the inauguration (oath, speech, parts of the parade, highlights from inaugural balls, etc) live, at 4AM local time, and again rebroadcast much of it, including the speech, during the day for interested viewers.

Why? I see four reasons. First, Australians are generally interested in the US. I'm struck at how much many Australians know about American politics. And they paid a LOT of attention to the whole election season, beginning with McCain, Romney, Huckabee etc on the GOP side and Obama, Clinton, Edwards, and the rest for the Democrats.

Second, Australians (like many around the world, it seems) are captivated by the idea that a black person has been elected President of the United States. I have to tell you, over the past year I had many Australians (including one political scientist who told me he had been predicting American elections since the 1960s and had only been wrong once) tell me confidently that the Democrats would never nominate a black man, and (after he was officially selected), how the US would never elect a black man. I nodded politely, and occasionally tried to explain (as an American) how I did not agree.

I think Obama's election resonates here in part because of the whole very poor situation of Australia's indigenous people. And Obama, very popular with Australians of all political persuasions, is even MORE popular with Australia's Aborigines. I was at a public event where Obama's inaugural address was being played (on tape; I only wake up at 4AM for World Cup soccer games!), and was talking with one Aborigine, who was gathering paper copies of Obama's address to take back to her friends and family in "the desert", because she said he was a role model for them, too. By the way, in "the desert" there is no internet access, so hardcopies, ignored by the rest of us who just planned to download them, were valuable for her.

A third reason for the attention is recognition that there are a lot of big problems around right now, starting with the global financial crisis which is beginning to hit Australia (despite the fact that it's banks are sound and have essentially no subprime market), and Australians are anxious to see what the new Administration does.

Oh, and the fourth and final reason for the excitement about Obama is that, to put it bluntly, the outgoing President is extremely unpopular here.

An Aussie Super Bowl

2009-01-13T00:58:00.002-05:00

Well, more specifically, there will be an Australian player in the upcoming Super Bowl. Both the Arizona Cardinals and Philadelphia Eagles, who will play for the National Football Conference championship and a spot in the Super Bowl, have Australian punters. Sav Rocca is the punter for Philadelphia, and Ben Graham for Arizona.

Both were stars in the Australian Football League for years before making the move (Graham in 2005, Rocca in 2007) to the NFL for bigger paychecks. In another bit of trivia, Ben Graham was named one of the co-captains of the New York Jets in 2006, making him the first Aussie to be a captain of an American pro sports team.

So, barring injury or something, either Graham or Rocca will make the first Super Bowl appearance by an Australian.

Australian Anti-Shark Device

2009-01-13T00:55:00.003-05:00

Australians are big swimmers, and there are sharks out there. So every Australian has an anti-shark device, or two.

Fists.

You think I'm joking? Steven Foggarty, out surfing near Sydney, felt a shark bite his leg. It wouldn't let go, so Foggarty punched it right on the schnozz.

And then it let go, and Foggarty got back ashore and off to the hospital to get his leg taken care of.

The Last Guest

2009-01-09T17:28:00.003-05:00

I must admit to being amused at the ruckus over the fact that President-Elect Barack Obama can't stay at Blair House prior to moving into the White House because at President Bush's invitation, former Aussie Prime Minister John Howard and his wife Janette are staying there on January 15 so Howard can receive the Medal of Honor.

It's a bit of a tempest in a teapot I'd say. Though some commentators here wonder why Howard simply doesn't make the offer to leave, which the Obamas would probably politely decline. Maybe it's because Howard still remembers how back in early 2007, he said that terrorists would be cheering for Obama to win?

A Foolproof Defense Against Speeding

2008-12-29T16:41:00.003-05:00

Apparently, some teens in Maryland have discovered how to avoid speeding tickets. "Their method involves using glossy paper to duplicate the numberplates of one car and attaching the fake tags to a matching vehicle. Then they race past a speed camera to incriminate a teacher or fellow student."

So, next time you are hauled up in court on a speeding ticket, show this article (go down about halfway) to the judge. That should establish reasonable doubt about whether it was really you flying down that road at twice the speed limit, and you're bound to get off scot-free.

Or just make your own plates with somebody else's number and let THEM worry about it.

A Fun Fact

2008-12-25T04:20:00.002-05:00

The local newspaper earlier this week had a very cool picture of a tornado in rural New South Wales, near Canberra. It didn't hurt anybody or do any damage.

But what surprised me was that the article said that New South Wales gets about 100 tornadoes every year. Admittedly, it's a BIG state - 20% bigger in area than Texas. But I didn't think anywhere had that many tornadoes outside the United States.

Think About Kink

2008-12-11T04:12:00.002-05:00

I saw this little blurb in the Washington Post about Ray Davies of the Kinks playing at the 9:30 Club in DC. Sounds like a good show. I saw him at the 9:30 Club a couple of years ago, and it was great, makes me hope he and little brother Dave could get back together for a Kinks reunion tour.

Which reminds me - a few days ago I was in a JB HiFi here (sells music, videos, computers, etc). After going through the cheap CDs and the alternative shelves, I looked at the classic rock shelves. I looked for the Kinks. I found Carole King. I found LOTS of King Crimson. For pete's sake I even found TWO albums by the Knack.

And not one single, solitary CD of the Kinks. Inconceivable.

Yes, We Have No Turkey. Would You Like a 'Roo?

2008-11-27T01:45:00.003-05:00

Aussies don't do Thanksgiving. And given the price of turkey here, I don't blame them. VERY expensive. Plus, the Pilgrims never made it quite this far anyway.

So with our Thanksgiving day, we did something different. Instead of gorging on the bird and searching in vain for an (American) football game on television, we went out to Namadgi National Park, about 30 miles south of Canberra, and looked at some very cool old Aboriginal rock paintings.

And we looked at kangaroos. Lots of kangaroos. Easily over a hundred kangaroos, in ones and twos, and some in big clumps.

They stare at you with their beady little eyes as you walk past, ears perked and rotating to keep on you even if they look away for a minute. The joeys (it's spring, and the babies are big) also look out of the pouch at you, except one that we saw standing outside the pouch, with its head IN the pouch!

Occasionally, they make a weird cough/growl noise at you. You can get kind of close - we were within five feet of one 'roo and joey, mostly because she was behind a bush as we rounded the curve in the trail.

But you know, those big male kangaroos look tough, with big nasty claws. So we kept a distance. And when one male took a step towards us, we started off down the trail again just in case he got antsy.

They may be cute and vegetarian and all - but they're still way bigger than me.

Save Our Sheep!

2008-11-22T07:05:00.002-05:00

Glancing at the weather forecast for Canberra at Weatherzone, I noticed this little warning:

NSW/ACT - Sat 21:58 EDT
Sheep Graziers Advice for the ACT. Cold, wet and windy weather is expected, possibly leading to sheep losses in exposed areas.

That's a reminder that even if you are in the capital of Australia, there's still a lot of sheep out there!

Flashbacks, Courtesy of Def Leppard

2008-11-14T15:35:00.004-05:00

Earlier this week I went to a concert with some friends here in Canberra. A Melbourne band called the Galvatrons were the opener (sounded like they were channeling Van Halen - specifically "Jump"). The group I really went to see was Cheap Trick. And the headliners, Def Leppard.

Funny, because this is the second time I've seen Def Leppard in concert because they happened to be playing on a three-band ticket featuring a group I really wanted to see.

The first time? 1980. Heavy Metal Sunday at Hara Arena, an ice-hockey rink in Dayton, Ohio. Tickets were $6.50. Headliners were Judas Priest, on their British Steel tour. The special guests, the band I wanted to see, were the Scorpions. And Def Leppard, a bunch of young kids from Sheffield, England, who had just released their first album, were the warm-up act.

So the concert was kind of a flashback for me. I kept on casting my mind back to that earlier concert, to the friends that I went with, high school buddies, some of whom I'm still in touch with, some that have headed off to places like Texas and New Mexico and I've lost contact with. Ah, nostalgia.

Def Leppard themselves were quite different! In 1980 they were unknowns; I'd heard one song by them on the local rock station. By now of course, they've become rock veterans. They had their period in the mid-1980s where they were arguably the Biggest Band In the World. You couldn't turn on rock radio in 1083 without hearing Def Leppard - their video for "Photograph" even knocked Michael Jackson's song "Beat It" off of the #1 Most Requested on MTV.

Now they have a new album out - and they played four or five songs off of it. But much of their show focused on the classics. The crowd was interesting, too. True for other long-lived rock bands I've seen like Pink Floyd back in 1994, there was a mix of young people - teens, college age - who seemed to react more strongly to the new stuff. And there were the over-30 crowd - many SIGNIFICANTLY over 30, by decades - who didn't know the new songs but were there for "Rock of Ages" and other old classics.

And I have to say, even though I was really there to see Cheap Trick and Rick Nielson's five-necked guitar, Def Leppard blew them out of the water. They still have it. Joe Elliott really knows how to work a crowd. They never missed a beat. It was a great evening, all the better for including pleasant memories.

More Dangers from Australian Wildlife

2008-11-03T18:14:00.003-05:00

The Australian magpie is an interesting bird: Australian Magpies are common and conspicuous birds, found wherever there is a combination of trees and adjacent open areas, including parks and playing fields. They are absent only from the densest forests and arid deserts. Groups of up to 24 birds live year round in territories that are actively defended by all members of the group. The group depends on this territory for all their feeding, roosting and nesting requirements.

And yes, they DO actively defend their nests. During nesting season (now), it is common to be "swooped" by these birds. Usually you hear a "clack-clack" noise and a whoosh as the bird flies perilously close to your head. If you're lucky. If you're UNLUCKY, it will actually hit you and peck you. Especially if you're on a bike, they REALLY seem to dislike cyclists.

Anyway, it's not just a nuisance, it's a threat. Witness what happened to this old lady in Newcastle.

An 84-year-old NSW woman has lost her lower left leg after suffering a rare soft-tissue infection caused by a magpie peck to her ankle.

Ouch. I told you it was dangerous here.

Happy Family and Community Day?

2008-11-03T18:09:00.002-05:00

One of the nice things about being overseas is getting Australian holidays. Australia, being a federal country like the US, also has state and territory holidays. And I'm enjoying one of those today, here in the Australian Capital Territory.

Family and Community Day.

How BLAND can you get, right? As far as I can tell, this is mostly celebrated by piling the family into the car and joining the community at Batman's Bay or Eden or Ulladulla or some other beach town.

Oh, and the fact that F&CD happens to coincide exactly with the Melbourne Cup - Australia's top horse race of the year, watched by some absurd percentage of the population - which is the occasion for a state holiday in Victoria? Purely a coincidence, I'm sure.

So Happy Family & Community Day! Go tell a family member or a community member that you are happy for them, too!

Halloween?

2008-10-31T18:44:00.003-04:00

Over the previous two October 31s I haven't been in Canberra - been on travel somewhere, last year it was Broken Hill. So this was the first Halloween in Canberra.

And we actually had trick or treaters. Lots.

Now, I wasn't prepared for this - we had no candy because we weren't expecting anything. We hadn't even seen anything in the papers about trick or treat, the way you do in the US saying what night and time it will be.

So we cowered with the shutters drawn, so the kids couldn't see us not giving them candy.

BUT - I had to take out the trash (to keep the cats out of it...), so I went out the back gate, right as a batch of kids came up to ring the bell. Busted!

I told them, "Sorry I don't have any candy, I didn't know Australians did trick or treat."

So a little boy (maybe 7) dressed as a devil came up and gave me a handful of candy.

I said, "You don't have to do that!" but his big sister (maybe 10) said "That's okay, Mum says we have enough candy to sink a battleship."

So I took it. Nice kid, and nice parents. And a first for me: trick or treaters coming to my house and giving me candy!

An Obscure Economic Indicator

2008-10-28T06:27:00.002-04:00

The Guardian in Britain has come up with a new leading economic indicator, a way to predict how the British economy will go.

AC/DC. Not the power, the Australian heavy metal band.

Seems AC/DC's biggest hits correspond with Britain's economic lows over the past 35 years. Per the Guardian:

Highway to hell

1973: AC/DC form in Sydney, Australia.
Economy: Start of the oil crisis, which saw the price quadruple

1980: AC/DC release breakthrough album Back In Black
Economy: Inflation in UK reaches 20% and unemployment nears 2 million

1990: AC/DC score comeback with The Razor's Edge
Economy: Recession in UK imminent

2008: AC/DC top UK album charts
Economy: Biggest world recession in decades looms

So, the release of Black Ice - which is selling like hotcakes, and is number 1 in the UK, proves how bad things are. Sell your pounds now!

The Running of the Sheep

2008-10-17T18:54:00.004-04:00

Every spring the charming little town of Boorowa (in New South Wales about 80 miles from Canberra) has an annual Irish Woolfest, to celebrate the winter harvest of wool. They have all the fun things - good food, crafts, bagpipes and dancers, beer, sausage sizzles.

And they have the Running of the Sheep, Boorowa's answer to Pamplona's Running of the Bulls.

All played strictly for laughs, of course. The annnouncer went on and on about how one person injured last year was still in the hospital. I suspect that is a slight exaggeration.

But it was still pretty fun and funny. They fenced off the main street in Boorowa, brought in 150 sheep, and had a couple of herding dogs herd them down the street. It wasn't exactly blindingly quick - the sheep prefer to huddle, all trying to get to the middle away from those annoying dogs. Then one sets off and the rest follow. All very fun!

Kath & Kim, #1

2008-10-12T05:00:00.003-04:00

The US version of "Kath & Kim" was on TV tonight here in Australia. The story-line was (as in the first American episode of "The Office") identical to the debut of the Australian series, which established the story line: mom falling into a new relationship as spoiled daughter's marriage hits the rocks.

Couple of observations.

First, thumbs up for doing away with the laugh track, one of the single most manipulative, vile inventions from the depraved mind of humanity.

Selma Blair isn't nearly as fat as the Kim played by Gina Riley. Also, her face seems kind of... expressionless.

Molly Shannon seemed OK as Kath, at least for this first episode.

No Sharon. Which for me is OK.

The camera work was disconcerting a bit. Reminded me again (no surprise) of "The Office."

Lots of time in the mall, like the original, and shallow conversation sprinkled with malapropisms.

Verdict: uncertain. It was fine. But I think I'll need to see an episode or two of original scripts to develop a feel. I don't love it like Tom Shales, at least not yet. But I don't hate it, either.

Kath & Kim, Coming to America

2008-10-09T06:47:00.003-04:00

Well, the moment approaches when "Kath & Kim" hits American TV screens. This is an adaptation of the brilliantly satirical Australian sitcom of the same name, which is a huge hit here that draws 2 million people to their TV sets - pretty good in a country of 21 million.

I was very worried when NBC announced that Molly Shannon would be playing the mother role of Kath, mostly because she has never particularly impressed me. And then there were stories, breathlessly repeated in the Australian press, about cast changes and revamps and rewrites, and even speculation that the American version was so bad it would never even air.

But Tom Shales, the TV critic at the Washington Post and somebody whose opinion I respect, has seen the first episode - and he likes it. He REALLY likes it: As superbly superior as Shannon is (a comparison to Lucille Ball, while inevitable, would not be overreaching), the whole cast shines, and not just in refracted glory. "Kath & Kim" is a frantically tacky fracas.

So maybe it's worth checking out. Anyway, it will also be shown on Australian TV quite soon. So I guess I'll watch at least the first episode and see if it works for me.

Falling in Love with Mongolia

2008-09-29T00:23:00.004-04:00

"Falling in Love with Mongolia" is the name of an excellent five-part series by writer Tim Wu at Slate.com. Read the whole thing, and click on the slide show too. It really brought back the memories.

A couple of highlights...

About the terrible food, Wu writes: It is the mutton, the unending mutton, that gets to you. After just a week, I felt like the Troll in The Hobbit who complains, "Mutton yesterday, mutton today, and blimey, if it don't look like mutton again tomorrer."

About the former Mongol Empire, and why it is no more: If you look carefully, there are little signs. The Mongolians walk or ride around like lords of the earth, which, in the Mongolian countryside, they are. Rural Mongolians spend a good amount of time on horseback, suggesting that a cavalry could be raised very quickly. Genghis Khan's face appears on the national vodka brand—perhaps he would leap out of the bottle if you rubbed it the right way. The empire might be just resting: After the nuclear holocaust, the Mongolian hordes will emerge from their gers and retake the world.

And about the perception that Asian men aren't macho: The antidote to any idea that this might be a racial, as opposed to cultural, trait is a trip to Mongolia. Mongolian men in the countryside spend their time riding horses, killing animals, and breaking firewood. They tend to hold their face in a fixed grimace. At times, it is like a country of Daniel Craig impersonators. Along with parts of Latin America, it's probably the most macho place I've ever been. And so, my Asian brothers, if you ever want to know what the extremes of Eastern manhood look like, forget about Jet Li or even Bruce Lee. It's Mongolia where Asia gets tough.

It is a very good series. My only gripe is Wu uses the Russian name of the capital, Ulan Bator. The MONGOLIAN spelling is Ulaanbaatar...

Another Angry Aussie Animal

2008-09-23T02:10:00.003-04:00

More tales of misanthropic animals in Australia. This time, it seems a pig is terrorizing a vegetarian animal lover in rural New South Wales.

This lady invited the pig in, was nice to him, and this is how he repays her. Ungrateful animals. At least the pigs in Australia aren't poisonous, though.

We're Alive! We're Alive!

2008-09-10T09:04:00.002-04:00

Woo hoo, we haven't all been sucked into a black hole centered on Switzerland!

Scientists at the European Organization for Nuclear Research (called CERN to keep us all confused, or maybe it has something to do with being a French acronym) today fired up the Large Hadron Collider (LHC) to recreate the conditions of the Big Bang. And we survived it.

See, some people thought that using the LHC would create a black hole that would swallow up Earth and everybody on it.

But that didn't happen. At least, my molecules do not appear to be being ripped asunder by powerful forces!

Picking Palin

2008-08-30T14:00:00.003-04:00

As you know, Alas, Yorick is not a political blog. Our research team is focused on more important things, like exploding microwaves, AC/DC related research, and the Oscars.

But the Alas, Yorick staff thought I should weigh in on the momentous selection for the Republican Vice Presidential nomination.

Personlly, I think this is an inspired pick by McCain. Yes, Palin is a surprise - very definitely a non-traditional candidate, never having held any sort of job in Washington. But Palin will bring a fresh, outsider's perspective to governing.

I do think criticism of Palin for having no foreign policy expertise is unfair, though. After all, Palin was born in Sheffield, England, and has traveled all around the world doing TV documentaries like Pole to Pole and Himalaya. So clearly Michael Palin will bring experience AND humor to his role - and we all know how helpful humor can be for stress levels and health, so this will help John McCain stay alive for at least one term if he is elected.

Now, Palin being English, I didn't even realize he was eligible...

Wait, a member of my Alas, Yorick staff is coming in.

What's that? Yeah, Palin for vice president... SARAH Palin? Who's that? Governor of ALASKA? I didn't know Alaska had a governor, I thought whoever won the Iditarod ruled as the King or Queen of the Tundra for a year... You're SURE it isn't MICHAEL Palin?

Never mind.

Alas, Yorick Wraps Up the Olympics

2008-08-25T04:29:00.002-04:00

The Olympics are dead I mean over! And in case you missed it, here are a few important points to consider, courtesy of the crack Alas, Yorick research team. And Google.

We’re Number 1! Maybe.

Who won? Depends on how your count it. The US won the most medals overall, 110. But China won more golds with 51. Who’s first?

China had the most gold medals since 1988. The all-time record is the US in 1984 winning 83. But that needs a big fat asterisk, because that was the year the entire Soviet bloc except Rumania boycotted the Olympics in Los Angeles – so the competition was much weaker than usual. In any case, China is the first country other than the US and the Soviet Union/Russia to lead the gold medal count since 1936.

Rule, Britannia.

Great Britain (as the UK is known in the Olympics) had a great games – finishing 4th in both gold medals and overall medals, winning the most medals ever for GB. The fact that they finished ahead of Australia (5th in overall, 6th in golds) has caused great angst with some in Australia about losing to the Poms... Wait till next time! In ... London.

Cheering for the Little Guys

I always like to see small countries do well. Especially Mongolia, since I lived there. Well, this time Mongolia won 2 golds and 2 silvers, their best Olympics ever and their first golds ever. Being descendants of Genghis Khan (possibly literally, something like half of Mongolians claim descent from the Big Guy), naturally all their medals were in he-man combat-type sports – a gold and silver in boxing, a gold in judo, and a silver in shooting.

It is ironic they did it in China, which still remembers the Mongol conquest (Great Wall of China, anybody?)… If there was an equestrian event involving five-year-old kids riding bareback on horses over a 30 mile course, Mongolia would be a lock for that one, too! And for that matter, they would be competitive if sumo wrestling ever became an Olympic sport.

Rugby!

2008-08-21T07:11:00.005-04:00

So last weekend we went to watch the Canberra Raiders play the Newcastle Knights in National Rugby League action.

I've watched a fair bit of rugby league on TV, but this is the first game I've been to in person. A few observations...

For people raised on American football ("gridiron" in the local lingo), rugby league games go FAST. There are relatively few interruptions. The guy gets tackled, after flopping about a little to get the other guys off of him (if they stay on too long they get penalized, happened to the Knights several times) he stands up, rolls the ball under his foot to his team-mate, and play continues. In play, with the hitting and tackling and the shape of the ball, it more resembles American football. But in pace, it is closer to soccer.

Stadium food in Canberra was actually cheap and decent. I had a good and large roast beef and grilled onion on a tasty roll sandwich that ran me about US$7. Coffee (the usual high-quality espresso based coffee) was about US$2.80, roughly the standard cost for a good cup of coffee in Canberra. A beer was only US$4! I'm used to American stadiums really jacking up the prices.

The fans were like fans everywhere - yelling at the officials to call more fouls, complaining when a Raider made a mistake, the occasional obscenity wafting out across the scene. Though the fans left in a pretty good mood - the Raiders thrashed the Knights 38-18 (two late Newcastle scores made the game look closer than it was), winning their fifth game out of the last six.

But I'm sorry, the Raiders' cheergirls (as they call cheerleaders) were lame. The outfits were suitably skimpy (made me cold watching them on a day when it was about 50 fahrenheit/10 celsius) but they didn't do much. A little rah-rah routine at half time, but they actually sat on chairs during the game, occasionally waving their pom-poms. It seemed rather muted compared to American cheerleaders.

Oh - and definitely no MALE cheerleaders. We asked our Australian friend if there were male cheerleaders, and he looked as if we'd asked whether Australia had any space aliens in its government. By way of proving that there ARE male cheerleaders in the US, we mentioned that George W. Bush (pictured above) had been a male cheerleader in high school. Our Aussie friends laughed out loud. I don't think they were impressed by that factoid.

alas, forgetfulness

2008-08-04T07:57:00.002-04:00

The couple who forgot their kid at the airport have been officially disqualified for consideration in the annual Alas, Yorick Parents of the Year Award.

They dashed thru the airport with their 18 bags to make a connection and lost their three-year old. Worse yet, they didn't notice she wasn't with them until they were told IN FLIGHT that the kid had been found back at the airport.

I Feel Your Pain, Chinese Air Passengers

2008-07-30T09:15:00.004-04:00

Haven't we ALL felt like doing this after being subjected to some petty outrage by the airlines?

Scores of Chinese air passengers smashed computers and desks and clashed with police Tuesday after a night stranded at an airport without accommodation, state media said.

The passengers clashed with airport police Tuesday morning, smashing computers and desks, Xinhua said, blaming the melee on China Southern staff's "inappropriate working attitude."

I don't think these Chinese passengers should get in any trouble. Their response is understandable, and they DID after all stop short of burning the airport down or hanging airline employees...

Killer 'Roos

2008-07-19T06:16:00.002-04:00

Everybody thinks we've got it easy in Australia. And everybody thinks kangaroos are big cute things like Skippy.

Wrong. Australia is full of dangerous wildlife, various hyper-poisonous beasties. And even kangaroos can be dangerous. One recently attacked an old lady on her ranch in central New South Wales.

Hey, those things are well over 6 feet tall and adults weigh over 200 pounds. And they have big, strong claws that can disembowel a person in short order.

The lady, Rosemary Neal, was saved when her dog charged the irritable kangaroo, who hopped away.

Crikey.

Alas, Yorick Visits Popapalooza

2008-07-18T09:06:00.004-04:00

I remember last year during APEC, seeing the signs for "World Youth Day" in Sydney and being glad I wouldn't be here for it.

I was wrong. The Pope is in Sydney, and so am I. Bad timing again, but Something Came Up and I had to be here.

World Youth Day, if you don't know, is a once-every-3-years festival where young Catholics from all over the place gather for masses, conference, flag-waving, and lots of singing. At least, that's how it looks to me.

The Pope arrived in Sydney Thursday and toured the harbor and city by boat and Popemobile, with hundreds of thousands waving. Me, I didn't get to Sydney till after that was over. But today, as I went around town doing my work, and as I walked around this evening seeing what was going on, the pilgrims as they're called were in full force.

The pilgrims paraded down George Street, waving flags, heading to various locations where they were staging the Stations of the Cross. Big crowds all over. Masses here, there and everywhere. Lots of singing, although I personally did not hear "Kumbayah."

Tonight was interesting, walking in central Sydney and seeing the combination of casually (and warmly) dressed, sober, nice, clean-cut, friendly, young (high school & college age) pilgrims and the staggering drunk sharp-dressed self-satisfied young hot shots that work in Sydney's financial district, out for their Friday night piss-up* at trendy bars that have gimmicks like giving you a parka and letting you drink an overpriced vodka in a 23F/-5C chilled room; I am not making that up it's called Minus Five. The two groups in some instances didn't mix all that well - I heard one encounter where some pilgrims apparently asked a drunken Italian-suit-wearing spiky-haired young Aussie business dude something about Jesus, and the guy yelled "I've got your news about Jesus. He doesn't exist!"

Luckily for him, a law preventing people from "annoying" the pilgrims was recently nullified on a technicality.

But on another corner, a young Aussie (not a pilgrim, he wasn't dressed in flags) yelled "Aussie, Aussie, Aussie" and right on cue, the group of Malaysian kids yelled back "Oi, oi, oi!" Quick learners, those Malaysians.

I saw lots of dudes in robes - various priests, bishops, and cardinals, out hiking with their flock. And lots of flags - every little group seemed to be waving the Stars and Stripes or the Union Jack or the Tricoleur or whatever they call the flags of Korea and Mexico and Argentina and Croatia and Italy and Brazil (disappointingly very very dressed unlike their World Cup fans - a Sydney "winter" must feel cold to somebody from Rio) and Papua New Guinea and Texas and Malaysia and South Africa and Germany and Canada and Quebec and from lots of other places. The places whose flags I don't know. Oh, and lots of Irish, very helpfully dressed head to toe in green so you could identify them. And even the Irish were sober - at least at 3:00 in the afternoon when I encountered them. Lots of guitars too - singing is a big part of this Catholic-a-thon. And of course, lots and lots of Aussies with their flags. And apparently 33 Burmese, who only got their visas late, based on the Australians' suspicion that they would stay illegally and work - the way at least one Russian pilgrim did, according to what one Sidneysider I heard tell another at a coffee stand, allegedly landing a job as a security guard within 48 hours of landing in Sydney.

On Saturday is the big thing, when 500,000 people are supposed to cram into Randwick racetrack to hear the Pope say mass. I'll keep away - crowds that big are a pain, no matter how nicely behaved.

*Night of heavy boozing

Another Battle in the Ongoing Struggle

2008-07-16T07:08:00.002-04:00

Our house has tried to injure me with exploding microwaves and shattering light fixtures. It has been nearly flattened by a tree.

And the latest - a mini ice age. Last week I got home from Sydney to find the house very cold - much colder than we keep it. The furnace had gone out. And it was naturally the coldest week so far in Canberra's winter.

Fortunately, the furnace was under warranty and was quickly fixed, after a few frigid days... But it was funny/pathetic to see the cats huddled around the oil heater thingie, noses practically touching it.

A Down-Under Fourth of July

2008-07-04T05:01:00.002-04:00

When you're in the diplomatic business, your national day isn't a day off - it's just a different kind of work day. And so it was today for the Fourth of July, down here in cool & breezy Canberra.

First, that is the biggest adjustment to living in the Southern Hemisphere. Not so much a warm Christmas - you can have a hot Christmas without leaving the USA. Nope, what is weird is having a cold and blustery Fourth of July. My memories of the Fourth all involve being hot and sweaty, drenched in the humidity of an American midwestern or eastern summer. Except for those years when the Fourth brought nature's own fireworks, raucous thunderstorms and gully-washing rain squalls that had everybody heading for the hills.

So we did the Fourth here, the embassy community and a few hundred official guests, various Australians and foreign diplomats all packing into the big tent set up in the Ambassador's back yard, to mark our national day - Independence Day. At least there wasn't cold rain like last year, but it was still pretty cool, temperature-wise, as we greeted everybody. A few nice words, a neat performance of the Australian and American national anthems by a fife-and-drum group from the Australian National University and the Australian army. American beer and finger foods, snatched conversations, lots of military guys - US, Australian, and other - in their dress uniforms adding a little brass, spit and polish to the affair.

And thankfully some hot coffee to warm my chilled mitts. Not something I usually associate with the Fourth.

Timber!

2008-06-29T06:33:00.003-04:00

Sometimes I wonder if our house is haunted. You'll recall the famous exploding microwave incident. Then a few months ago, I turned on the light and the lightbulb exploded with such force that the glass fixture around the lightbulb ALSO shattered. Fortunately, nobody was injured in either incident.

The most recent one was potentially the worst. I opened the back gate on Thursday evening, coming home from work. And I notice in our back patio some bits of wood.

LOTS of wood. Like about 1/3 of a very tall tree.

We were lucky. The top of the tree segment that came down barely brushed against the roof - it chipped some paint and slightly dented a storm gutter. Another big section came to rest against our french doors - but didn't damage it, just a glancing blow.

Two feet difference and we could have had real damage like a caved-in roof.

Another Difference Between the US and Australia

2008-06-21T22:34:00.004-04:00

This morning we went to Manuka to meet some friends for coffee and pastries. Manuka was even more packed than usual on a Sunday morning because a bunch of football fans were in town from Sydney - the Sydney Swans (Aussie rules football) play a couple of "home" games a year in Canberra at Manuka Oval, and today is one of those games.

So we're strolling down the crowded sidewalks, weaving our way thru the coffee-swilling fans and chatting, and I say "oh and there's the Prime Minister."

Kevin Rudd, Prime Minister of Australia, chatting with some guy in front of the bookshop in Manuka. There were a couple of guys nearby with earphones and that was it. Nothing between me and Rudd at all - I passed within three feet of him.

Needless to say, you couldn't stroll by the President in quite such a casual way without passing thru a metal detector at a minimum...

Beware Cars with Bumper Stickers?

2008-06-16T06:14:00.002-04:00

This is interesting. A social psychologist William Szlemko at Colorado State University has been studying cars with what he calls "territorial markers" - things like bumper stickers, personalized license plates, and the like.

And he has found that they "not only get mad when someone cuts in their lane or is slow to respond to a changed traffic light, but are far more likely than those who do not personalize their cars to use their vehicles to express rage -- by honking, tailgating and other aggressive behavior."

In other words, people with "territorial markers" are more likely to show road rage than those without such signs. While people WITHOUT such things still get mad at the other jerks on the road, but are less likely to show it by flipping somebody off or tailgating them at high speeds for 50 miles.

Pretty interesting. I won't draw any conclusions here - but the next time you see an aggressive or road-raging driver, see if he's got a bumper sticker or a "baby on board" thingie or his own clever personalized license plates. Think of it as science.

Bye Bye, Bo

2008-06-03T07:49:00.002-04:00

Rock and roll pioneer Bo Diddley has strummed his last chord.

The world will be a slightly quieter - not in a good way - place without him. So long, Bo.

Australia, All In A Tizzy Over Naked Photos

2008-05-30T07:02:00.003-04:00

Over the past week or so there has been something resembling a witchhunt in Australia. A gallery in Sydney was preparing to show a selection of photos by Bill Henson, a very well-known Australian photographer.

The images featured two nudes, a 12-year-old boy and a 13-year-old girl. And that prompted quite a response. The New South Wales police raided the gallery and hauled off about half the photos. The Prime Minister Kevin Rudd (who looks like a prude to me) said he was revolted by the photos, which I understand were sensual but not explicit. Other politicians piled onto the anti-kiddy-porn bandwagon looking for easy points. Some, including a key opposition figure Malcolm Turnbull, criticized the storm and said he even owned a couple of Henson photos (not of nudes, though).

Then the Australian Capital Territory police raided the National Gallery of Australia, looking at other Henson photos in their permanent collection to see if any of them crossed an uncertain line.

Why now? Henson has been taking similar nude photos for twenty years. They have been displayed all over Australia. They are provocative, perhaps disturbing, and clearly whether you like them or not, of real artistic merit. They are done with the permission of the adolescent models AND the parents, and with the parents present. They aren't even the only thing Henson does (I like some of his night-time cityscapes, very eerie light and color - similar, actually, to his adolescent nudes).

Is it difficult to understand that a photo of a nude person under age 18 does not automatically mean child pornography or the sexual exploitation of that young person? And not all images of nude humans are necessarily done for prurient or exploitative reasons?

Henson's photos aren't for everybody. Hell, neither is Jackson Pollack or JRR Tolkien. But this is really a pretty absurd reaction. It's like the police have gone back to the 1960s when you could be arrested in Australia for possessing a photo of nudes.

Today's Very Bestest Headline: "Boy band creator sentenced to 25 years in prison"

2008-05-21T19:26:00.002-04:00

What a fine headline: "Boy band creator sentenced to 25 years in prison". A fitting fate for Lou Pearlman, who created those hideous musical abominations known as the Backstreet Boys and 'N Sync.

Now TECHNICALLY he was sentenced to 25 years in the slammer for scamming something like $300 million over the years.* Not scamming in the sense of selling Backstreet Boys and 'N Sync albums, tickets, and DVDs - after all, people more or less voluntarily paid for that crap. Nope, Pearlman was TECHNICALLY sentenced for defrauding banks and a bunch of investors.

But the crack news and research team at Alas Yorick has uncovered secret transcripts from U.S. District Judge G. Kendall Sharp's conversation with the prosecuting attorneys.
Prosecutor: We recommend 10 years, your honor.

Judge Sharp: Screw that. Do you know how much of that Back Street Boys shit I had to listen to? My daughters played it nonstop. And what's with these kids who want to be in boy bands? It's so wussy. They should be getting an ax and shredding like I did when I was 15 years old. No, this sonofabitch Pearlman is gonna pay for his TRUE crimes. I'm throwing the book at him.

Prosecutor: Rock on, your honor.

Defense attorney Fletcher Peackock:** I can't argue with that logic.

Twenty five years is still a bit light considering the enormity of Pearlman's crimes. After all, there is still the risk he could form a boy band while in prison. Could Bee-Hind Barz be the next big boy band? To guard against this risk, I recommend solitary confinement for Pearlman.

After all, somebody has to think about the children.

*I do give Pearlman some credit. I always laugh at those who get thrown in jail for skimming something like $20,000. Not worth it. But $300 MILLION? Now THAT is worth the risk! ;)

** Yes that is his real name.

A Good Rant, Averted

2008-05-20T07:26:00.002-04:00

On Sunday, our telephone gave a series of strange, sickly rings. When we picked up the phone later that evening, the line was dead. Later, our internet went out.

So I called our provider on Monday, prepared to unleash my wrath. After answering some questions, the guy on the phone said it appeared the problem was with the line outside the house, and they'd send somebody out on Monday or Tuesday - and we didn't have to be home.

So on Tuesday I got home from work, skeptical about all this. I picked up the phone - and had a dial tone. I unplugged the wireless router and plugged it in - and after a few seconds, the little green internet light was back on.

Huh, whaddaya know? The phone/internet problem was resolved within 30 hours of me calling them. I was all prepared to write up a scathing comment on Optus crap service (which I would have had to do at work). But ... it all seems to be okay.

Never mind.

A Few Days in Bangkok

2008-05-03T23:46:00.004-04:00

I just got back from a few days in sunny Bangkok, Thailand. Actually, scratch that - in five days in Bangkok, I didn't see the sun ONCE. A couple of patches of blue sky but no sun. Partly a question of pollution, but also just the season - the monsoons are getting ready to begin, and we had one tremendous thunderstorm one evening.

Anyway, I hadn't been to Thailand in about 10 years. That sky train that was being built when I was last there is up and running, there are even MORE skyscrapers in Bangkok, and the traffic is as bad as ever.

One contrast I noticed between Bangkok and Hanoi (Vietnam) was the make-up of the traffic. In Hanoi, probably 90% of the vehicles were motorbikes. In Bangkok, there were a lot of motorbikes but they were in the minority - maybe 20% from my unscientific observations. That reflects the much greater economic development and wealth in Thailand compared to Vietnam.

Not that it was all wealth. There were a few beggars here and there, under overpasses, along the street, near high-rise buildings that would fit in nicely in Houston or Osaka. I saw people sleeping on the sidewalks, and passed a row of semi-demolished shops where people were clearly living in a sort of open-living arrangement (lucky Thailand doesn't get cold).

I had the Sunday free, having arrived at midnight Saturday night for a Monday morning conference. I walked along the main drag of Sukhumvit, lined with vendors (many of whom were deaf, speaking to each other in Thai sign language), ducking down side streets, just absorbing the sights and smells and humidity. I wandered into a north Indian or Pakistani restaurant for lunch. After sitting and ordering, I glanced around. I saw a picture of Yasser Arafat with some words of praise for him (in English). Across from my table was a sign (again in English) extolling the virtues of Hezbollah and urging them to keep up the just struggle against Israel, etc. There were photos of various martyrs. And that one cool National Geographic photo from 20 years ago of the Afghan girl with the piercing eyes. I didn't engage in political conversation with the wait staff - but the Afghani chicken and naan bread were damn good.

Around the corner from that place I saw something I had never seen in my life. It was a restaurant. But not just any restaurant - it was a Liberian restaurant. I've never heard of nor considered Liberian cuisine before. I'm sure it was there not because Liberian cooking has made the international leap like Italian or French or Thai or Chinese or Vietnamese. Apparently, there is a small Liberian community in Bangkok. At least, the three guys eating at an outside table looked West African to me.

In the same part of town, I turned down another side street and it was as if I'd been transported to the Middle East. I'd seen plenty of women in burkas and guys in the long flowing robes that Arab men often wear - but I'd seen lots of Japanese and Europeans and all as well as Thais of course. THIS street however was different. The signs were all in Arabic; very little English or Thai writing. Apparently, a big center for Thailand's expat Middle East population.

Sunday night I went out to dinner with my friend who lives in Bangkok, to a nice Thai food restaurant called The Mango Tree. Then we went for a walk thru Patpong. That's the part of town where the girly bars are - prostitution central dating back to the Vietnam War era, when American servicemen would go to Bangkok for R&R and a good time. It was weird. You could glance in the bars and see the women dancing in bikinis, with numbers on them. It was like a grotesque parody of a beauty show, except the numbers were there not to help keep score, but so a customer could identify the woman he wanted to score with. Women in revealing evening gowns would try to get my friend and me (and any other guy on the street not with a woman) to go in. Guys kept pushing laminated pieces of paper in front of us, with a menu of the various sex acts you could watch in some of these places. I didn't read the menu, but my mind went to "Priscilla Queen of the Desert"...

But on the very same street were nice restaurants (Thai, Japanese and Italian predominant), clubs with live music, legitimate shops, street vendors selling food that smelled wonderful, and lots and lots of pedestrians including locals and tourists who were clearly not on the prowl for a hooker or a sex show. An odd place.

It was also full of booths selling all sorts of neat things at improbably good prices. Want that latest CD by Mariah Carey? "I Am Legend" starring Will Smith? A cool t-shirt with the Harley-Davidson logo? PhotoShop? A Rolex watch or Louis Vitton handbag? A rolling suitcase with Hello Kitty? All available in Patpong, the main street Sukhumvit, and elsewhere in Thailand, for very good prices.

And 99.9% fake.

Thailand is one of the big centers for the production and sale of counterfeit products (China, Vietnam, Russia are among the other big offenders, but there are plenty of others. I once bought a ripoff Billy Idol cassette in the Dominican Republic; it faded to silence halfway thru side two. You get what you pay for ($2), I guess.). I didn't buy any of it - partly because it isn't quite right, partly because the quality isn't as good, partly because I just don't give a damn about Rolex watches, and I sure as hell wouldn't load counterfeit software on my computer for fear of nasty viruses and other scamware. But I must admit I saw a Thai guy walk by with a very cool Beatles t-shirt (I'm sure McCartney and Starr and the Lennon and Harrison estates didn't get anything for it, it was a white outline profile on black of the Fab Four crossing Abbey Lane) that I might have bought if I'd seen it...

There were other cool products for sale that weren't counterfeit. For some reason, both Patpong and Sukhumvit had lots of lethal looking knives and brass knuckles for sale, but you know my current arsenal meets my martial needs. There were some very attractive textiles - Thai silk is beautiful. And there were neat wooden carvings of elephants, etc, but I didn't buy any because I figured I'd end up getting them confiscated in Sydney by the hyper-vigilant Australian quarantine officials...

Speaking of elephants, one night another friend (in Bangkok for the same conference) and I went for a long walk after dinner, and came across a guy leading his animal down the sidewalk.

The animal was a baby elephant. I know it was a baby because it was only about a foot taller than me. The guy offered to give us a ride on it, but I declined. I feel bad for animals like that subjected to the tourism trade.

That was about all I saw. The conference I attended (about intellectual property, telecommunications, and trade if you are interested) took up the rest of my time. Oh wait, I did manage to get a suit made! Went to a tailor near the hotel on Sunday for measurements, on Monday went back for a first fitting, a second fitting on Tuesday, and Wednesday I had a brand-new custom made suit made of a high-quality English cashmere/wool blend for $300. Can't beat that with a stick.

ANZAC Day

2008-04-24T21:33:00.002-04:00

Today is THE Australian holiday - ANZAC Day. So it's a quiet day in Canberra with various memorial services at the Australian War Memorial and the French Embassy among other places. Big cities and small towns all over Australia are also commemorating the day, and there are also ceremonies in France and Turkey.

Survived the Torch

2008-04-24T21:31:00.003-04:00

The Olympic torch procession made it through Canberra without too many problems, letting the ACT breathe a sigh of relief. There were pro-Tibetan protesters. But there were many more Chinese students waving the red Chinese flag. Media reported that over 80 buses of Chinese students came in from Sydney and another 50 buses from Melbourne, ensuring a suitable enthusiastic and pro-Chinese response. Some of these students allegedly intimidated Tibetans and their supporters along the route.

But still, nobody grabbed the torch or anything like that...

Here Comes the Torch

2008-04-22T07:28:00.003-04:00

Canberra is anticipating with a mixture of excitement and dread the arrival of the Olympic Torch. Yes, it will be jogged thru the streets of Canberra on April 24 - the only stop in Australia.

The drama has already begun. One torch-bearer has dropped out, saying she doesn't want anybody to think she condones China's actions in Tibet. We'll see if any others throw in the torch, I mean towel.

There has been much back and forth about security. At first Australian police said the Chinese "torch attendants" would have to stay on the bus. Then they said that a couple of them could get off the bus to help light the torch, etc. Then today I heard on TV that the Chinese Ambassador said the torch attendants would take action if necessary to protect the torch - which sounds to me at least like they're crossing the blurry line from caring for the torch to providing security. We'll see how the Australians respond to THAT - they are usually inclined to keep a close hold on security arrangements...

I expect tens of thousands of Chinese and Tibetans and others will make their way to Canberra for the torch. The Tibetans (and others) to protest. The Chinese students to support the Olympic spirit. Or to be vigilantes. Or to provide unofficial security. Depending on who you listen to.

The ACT (Australian Capital Territory) government has already revised the route, sticking to broad avenues where they hope they can try to keep protesters at a distance. The Prime Minister Kevin Rudd has said that if Australians want to protest, they should do so by turning their back as the torch passes.

So - will we have another chaotic torch-grabbing scrum fiasco like in Paris and London? Will the ACT cross up everybody and do a last-minute switch to make an anticlimactic relay run from one sheep paddock to another like San Francisco (well, no paddocks in SF)? Will pro-Tibetans and pro-Chinese regime types clash? Or will it all be calm?

Stay tuned. The run starts about 8:00 AM on Thursday here, that'll be 6 PM US EDT.

Something Was Missing

2008-04-21T23:29:00.004-04:00

I went with a buddy the other night to a club to see a Van Halen tribute band called X Halen. They were strictly a David Lee Roth-era VH band - no songs after DLR left and was replaced by Sammy Hagar and That Other Guy.

Their David Lee Roth guy was pretty good - long DLR-like hair, sang very much like Roth (including sometimes too-frequent howls and screams in place of lyrics). And when he spoke between songs (again, too much) you could never tell that he wasn't a nice Jewish kid from Indiana - absolutely NO hint of his native Australian accent on stage. But when he was circulating through the small crowd between sets, he was obviously Australian.

The rest of the band was very good. The guitarist was excellent. So was the rhythm section. Their versions of the various Van Halen classics were very good. And the lead singer several times criticized the Real Eddie Van Halen for firing bassist Michael Anthony in favor of his song Wolfgang (I agree).

They hit most of the highlights from each of Van Halen's first five albums, with more emphasis on Van Halen and 1984 (after all, they probably had the most hits for the originals) than the others. I particularly liked hearing "Dance the Night Away," always one of my favorites, and a smoking version of "You Really Got Me" (thanks again Dave Davies).

But they didn't play "Running with the Devil."

It was weird. It was getting to the end of the show. They'd just done "You Really Got Me" and then "Jump." Then the faux David Lee Roth was rambling and vamping about songs they would play next, semi-coherently just like the real DLR. The bass player tentatively began with the "bmm...bmm...bmm...bmm" bass line that begins "Running with the Devil" but faux Diamond Dave said something about "we already played 'Panama'" (which they had). The guitarist did a couple of goofy riffs from "Panama". Somebody else yelled something, and our ersatz David Lee Roth started riffing about when it's hot you want something to cool you off... and they played "Ice Cream Man."

It was a great song. And then they took their bows and the lights came on. No "Running with the Devil?" Whaaa?

Unfortunately, that put a mild damper on a very fun evening with great music and a crowd full of oddballs. The most uncomfortable thing was how the mock Roth kept calling up a guy called (I think Jimmie) on stage to bring him some more Jack Daniels (iced tea I think). Jimmy works at the club - his shirt said Security.

Jimmy is also about three feet tall - he's a Little Person. It was a little weird - not clear whether the Aussie Diamond Dave (who was about five foot tall himself) was laughing AT Jimmie or WITH him.

In any case, I didn't know they made leather pants that small.

Thunder from Down Under

2008-04-18T19:18:00.002-04:00

Yes it's true - AC/DC are now working on a new album to be released some time this year. More thunder from down under - except they are actually recording in Vancouver, Canada. Oops.

Anyway, if you hit this link you will get a bootleg video of an early take of one of their new songs, called Creme My Egg, an Alas Yorick exclusive.

What Did YOU Leave on the Train?

2008-04-15T02:29:00.003-04:00

Feeling like you had a bad day? Bummed out because the weather sucks and your favorite team of professional steroid-popping ath-uh-letes were beaten by another team of professional steroid-popping ath-uh-letes?

Then at least be glad you didn't have the day that Rob Napier had. Napier was on a train ride, then got off and as the train was pulling away, realized he had left something in the luggage rack.

An umbrella? A spare book? A laptop? A briefcase full of his company's personnel files? A birthday present for his wife/girlfriend/mistress?

Nope, a violin.

A violin that belonged to his mother.

A violin made in Venice.

A violin made in 1698.

A violin that is worth $400,000.

Napier called the rail company, but of course the violin was not found on the train. But there's a $20,000 reward for it, so keep your eyes open.

A "Diva" Passes The King

2008-04-02T20:37:00.005-04:00

News today that confirms the degradation of American pop culture: Mariah Friggin' Carey has just had her 18th #1 hit on the Billboard Hot 100. That puts her past Elvis Presley into second place; only the Beatles (with 20 #1s) are between this lame "diva" and Billboard immortality.

Showing a surprising level of self-awareness, Carey said "I really can never put myself in the category of people who have not only revolutionized music but also changed the world."

Ain't that the truth - although on a closer reading, it appears she IS taking credit for revolutionizing music, but not for changing the world. Fittingly, the song that took Carey past The King was called "Touch My Body." Oh boy, another song by Mariah Carey that urges the listener to do her. Profound stuff, that. And original

Carey's music is pablum, interchangeable ballads about her T&A and love life and little else, immediately suitable - nay, even IMPROVED - by the Muzak treatment. It is the sort of soft dreck that could be performed by anybody with a passable voice and a big set of boobs to flaunt. At the very least, it helps to have the boobs so you can land yourself a senior recording studio executive to marry, which certainly can't hurt a young singer's career prospects.

Carey's songs and performances are the musical equivalent of cotton candy - essentially insignificant, no real substance to it, and if you consume enough of it, it will rot your brain (or teeth).

Bah, humbug.

American Morons I Mean Idols

2008-03-19T06:43:00.003-04:00

I didn't watch "American Idol" the other night. First, they don't show it in Australia (there is "Australian Idol" though, which is also pretty bad although interestingly, more people seem to play their own instruments here). And second, I wouldn't watch it anyway.

But I kinda wish I had, after reading Lisa de Moreas' hilarious description of the utter stupidity of the "Idolettes." Seems they were introduced to the music of some mid-century experimental musical group from the provinces of a mid-sized European country. And most of the Idolettes were unfamiliar with this musical combo.

The group? The Beatles.

Obviously, these kiddies had never Met the Beatles. Even if you held a Revolver to their head and threatened to have Sargent Pepper march them down Abbey Road, if you threatened to beat them with a Rubber Soul and to really give them a Hard Days' Night with no hope of Help, they would plead ignorance and just say Let It Be.

A couple of snips from de Moraes' column, which is almost ALWAYS worth reading anyway (the worse the show, the better her writing):

Michael Johns sings a 1 1/2 -minute cutdown of "Day in the Life." Why? Because it was his dead friend's favorite song. Mosh Pit Blondes are confused by the "English Army has just won the war" bits, but they do the Mosh Pit Wave anyway because Michael's cute.

Funny, but this one is better:

Jason Castro sings "Michelle" but does not understand a word of French. "I just found out 'my bell' is French -- I thought it was English," he tells the country. That's right -- he thinks he's singing about his bell.

Howls of derisive laughter, Bruce.

Rural Stuff

2008-03-09T19:29:00.003-04:00

We went on Sunday to the small town of Yass, about 45 minutes north of Canberra, for the annual Yass Show. Think small-time county fair in rural America. It was pretty cool. First, we watched the cattle being judged. It wasn't a big show, so like in 2nd grade, every cow got a ribbon. There was more competition in the sheep category, this part of Australia having more sheep than cattle.

We watched a sheep-herding competition. Like the movie Babe, they release sheep into a pen and the dog has to round them up, run them thru a pen where the dog's owner can squirt some stuff into the sheeps' mouths, then into another pen where the sheep would (in real life) be loaded into a truck. It was a blast to watch. The best dog to my untrained eyes was a German shepherd mix. He was coolly efficient. He only barked once, and I never saw him nip at the sheep - he had the on-the-field presence of Dan Marino.

In another part of the showgrounds were dozens of ancient tractors and other mechanical devices, part of the vintage tractor pull and engine rally. Some of those machines dated to the 1920s. Unlike much of the show, this was purely a hobby for the guys entering. We saw one contraption that was steam-powered with a boiler like a 1920s train. While checking out a mechanical thresher and another device chugging away we caught a whiff of the smoke from coal and wood - a small reminder of what western cities were like as recently as the 1950s when London still had killer fogs.

Like American county fairs, there were competitions for flowers, plants, food - and funnily, a competition for vegetable art! The winner was a turtle made out of melons and other veggie bits. Never seen THAT before - an idea for the Arlington County fair organizers...

After the show, we went to a pub in Yass for lunch. The other times we'd been there, they tried to steer us to the "fancy" bistro in the back, not believing a bunch of fancy foreigners would want to eat pub food. This time, maybe they recognized us because we bellied up to the bar to order our Resch's beer and fish and chips without being directed to the posh room...

Hollywood in Canberra

2008-03-09T19:21:00.004-04:00

There has been a grade A Hollywood celebrity hanging around Canberra these past few days. But it wasn't for a big movie premiere - it was on family business.

Jackie Chan came back to Canberra last week to accompany the body of his father, who recently died. Mr. Chan was buried next to his wife in a cemetery in Canberra. The connection - Mr. Chan moved to Canberra from Hong Kong in the 1960s to work as a chef for the US Ambassador and later opening his own restaurant. Jackie attended school for a couple of years in Canberra and spent lengthy periods here.

(I hadn't realized that Mr. Chan had been a cook. Maybe that explains why Jackie Chan is also interested in cooking. I once ate at Jackie Chan's Kitchen in Yokohama, Japan, which served tasty Chinese-style noodles while Jackie Chan movie clips played on the TV. Kind of a Planet Hollywood thing, only simpler and with better and not-overpriced food...)

Jackie joined with the Prime Minister Kevin Rudd to open a new cancer research facility at Australian National University in Canberra, funded largely by donations from the actor in honor of his parents.

Road Trip!

2008-03-01T00:05:00.002-05:00

We recently took an eight-day road trip, Canberra to Byron Bay (northern New South Wales coast) to Brisbane to Yandina (Queensland), then back via Toowoomba, Warwick, Tamworth, and Cowra. 3020 kilometers/1830 miles, mostly on highways that to American eyes look like country roads.

Byron Bay

We were at the easternmost tip of Australia. Trivia point - the only north-facing beaches in NSW, apparently important if you are a surfer. It's a funky, vaguely new agey kind of beach town, with lots of young backpackers and aging hippies. Unlike Queensland's Sunshine Coast and Gold Coast, not all built up with highrise condos on the beach.

Brisbane

Cool city. Lovely riverside, which you can very nicely watch by taking the city ferry up and down the river for $5, rather than pay $50 to a tourboat operator. We saw the Andy Warhol exhibit at the Queensland Gallery of Modern Art - the reason we chose this time to go up to Queensland. Lots of soup cans and Marilyn Monroes, if you are in to that type of thing.

We also saw Anzac Square, where an eternal flame burns, originally to commemorate Queensland's World War One dead, now covering all conflicts. The Shrine under the flame was open on the day we were there, full of plaques remembering different military units and where they had fought and died, mostly WW1 and WW2 but also Vietnam, South Africa, Malaysia, and elsewhere. Very moving and sad - though truth be told, I'm pretty much moved to near tears by any war memorial.

The Bigs

We saw several of the Big Things that Australians have built to attract tourists.

The Big Banana in Coffs Harbour was a disappointment - it was on the side of a building and didn't seem that big.

The Big Pineapple in Yandina was cool. First, it was really big - 3 stories tall, and you can go inside and see cheesy promotional displays by Gold Circle, a big Australian fruit and fruit juice producer. But there is other fun stuff to do there, like pet koalas and take train rides thru fragrant fields of pineapple. We even learned trivia - specifically, that the pineapple is essentially a man-made fruit that didn't exist in nature. Like corn.

The Big Apple near Stanthorpe was neat, mostly because it had a nice cafeteria/store selling local products, like alcoholic apple cider.

The Big Golden Guitar in Tamworth. Tamworth is the country music capital of Australia. But another town (Narrandera, NSW) already had a Big Guitar, so Tamworth a few years back put up the Big GOLDEN Guitar. Yes, it is big and golden. Oh well. Still, a pretty town.

(There is also a Big Merino sheep in Goulburn near Canberra, but we didn't see it on this trip. And a Big Prawn, I forget where.)

Warwick

Warwick is Australia's "Rose and Rodeo" capital. But the 2007 rodeo was largely cancelled because of equine influenza - horse flu. We saw all sorts of signs throughout our road trip describing the various zones we were in (amber, red, etc); you have to get permission to move horses around throughout much of eastern Australia, until they get rid of this outbreak.

Anyway, we saw the Rodeo Heritage Center in Warwick, which was a bit disappointing - a few little exhibits and mostly a list of the winners of various events going back to the beginning of formal rodeo tournaments in 1945.

But the Warwick visitors center had a really interesting display of photos from Australia's Antarctic scientific research base.

Cowra

The last major stop was the town of Cowra, a couple of hours north of Canberra. This is interesting - not just a pretty country town, Cowra was the sight of the largest land-battle in Australia in World War 2. There was a POW camp there that hosted Japanese and Italian POWs and Indonesian political prisoners (the Dutch claimed these nationalists were working with the Japanese; the Australians soon released them).

One night in August 1944, having heard that some of them would be shipped off to another camp, the Japanese decided to break out - or die trying, more to the point. Armed with baseball bats, kitchen utensils, and the like, they tried busting out in the middle of the night, after setting their sleeping huts on fire.

Two young Australian soldiers got to the machine gun first and mowed down dozens of Japanese before they themselves were overwhelmed and killed. A couple of hundred Japanese actually made it over the fence, but they were all caught or killed over the next few days by Australian troops. In the end, 231 Japanese and 4 Australians were killed in a sad little battle.

Cowra has embraced this history to become a peace center - kind of like Coventry, England. They have a beautiful Japanese garden designed by a renowned Japanese garden designer. They have a memorial at the site of the POW camp, which still has the foundations of a few camp buildings. And the only Japanese war cemetery is there, in the corner of Cowra's main cemetery, housing the remains of all Japanese who died in Australia during the war (civilian and military), including a few pilots shot down over Darwin, and the 231 who died in the break-out. A somber event, nicely commemorated by Cowra.

Morons Exist

2008-02-26T17:03:00.003-05:00

Yes, morons can be found all over the world. The lastest manifestation in Australia is a German-born soccer player called Andre Gumprecht, who plays for the Central Coast Mariners in the A League. On Monday, the Mariners had a costume party to mark the end of the season (they lost in the championship game to the Newcastle Jets).

And Gumprecht "dressed in a khaki military uniform and mustache to resemble the former German dictator."

Apparently, he didn't get the memo from Prince Harry that dressing as a Nazi to attend a party outside of Aryan Nation circles is hardly ever a good idea.

It is especially stupid given that Gumprecht is German, where doing such a thing would not only be stupid, but illegal.

Another Mariner is in trouble for the same party. Tony Vidmar dressed in white robes and put on black face, apparently to resemble Morgan Freeman in his role of God in Bruce Almighty. That was kind of dumb and insensitive, presumably spurred by the fact that Vidmar's nickname is "God." But it doesn't rise to Gumprecht's level of moronity.

You Call That A Toad? THIS Is A Toad!

2008-02-20T06:13:00.002-05:00

Queenslanders like to complain about the dreaded cane toad, another stupidly-introduced species that has run amok in the Australian environment.

But that's nothing compared to THIS monster - a frog that scientists think actually ate baby dinosaurs! This "devil frog" may have weighed over 10 pounds. When HE goes "ribbit", people listen.

(Yes, I know toads and frogs are different. But I don't care.)

Alas, Yorick Predicts the Academy Awards, 2008 Version

2008-02-15T17:55:00.003-05:00

The entertainment staff at Alas, Yorick are all a-quiver at the prospect of the upcoming 2008 Academy Award presentation ceremony. We are so glad those silly writers quit trying to get a couple of pennies out of every dollar and just got back to work. And we so look forward to the continuing flow of high-quality entertainment from La-La Land.

Loyal reader(s) will remember that last February we predicted the winners for 2007 - and I am proud to say that we actually were correct on 5 out of 10 predictions, a better batting average than Barry Bonds.

So, here are THIS year's fearless predictions.

Let's start with best actor. Unfortunately, I have seen none of these movies but I can still make predictions based on my intimate knowledge of how Oscar voters think. Clearly Daniel Day-Lewis and Johnny Depp cannot win; their respective movies were "There Will Be Blood" and "Sweeney Todd The Demon Barber of Fleet Street", and everybody knows Oscar doesn't reward slasher flicks. Viggo Mortenson is starring in a sequel to "The Lord of the Rings" called "Eastern Promises", where Aragorn takes over the post-Sauron rule of Mordor but is criticized for failing to live up to his campaign promises to the orcs. Michael Clayton starred in a movie called "George Clooney", or is that the other way around? Either way, it sounds boring. So I pick Tommy Lee Jones for "In the Valley of Elah", which I think is a sequel to "Brokeback Mountain" featuring old cowboys.

For supporting actor, the voters will disqualify Javier Bardem for being in a movie called "No Country for Old Men", a science fiction flick like "Logan's Run" about old people being exiled. Most Oscar voters are old men - this hits too close to home. Michael Clayton got another nomination, for being in "Tom Wilkinson." The name is too boring. Philip Seymour Hoffman got Oscar love recently for playing gay authors, I don't know why he would expect one for a Rambo-style action flick called "Charlie Wilson's War," about a Texas Congressman who single-handedly destroys a Soviet armored column in Afghanistan. I thought Hal Holbrook was dead and I bet most voters do too so he won't win for "Into the Wild." That leaves Casey Affleck, who was creepy, weird, and excellent in "The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford", the only move of these five that I have actually seen. Affleck gets it and makes his big brother jealous.

Best leading actress. Well we can quickly dismiss Marion Cotillard ("La Vie en Rose") 'cause she wasn't acting in English. Julie Christie was good in "Away from Her" (about a guy who runs away from his aging mommy) but Oscar male voters like young chicks, not 60-year-old ladies no matter how attractive or talented. Cate Blanchett has no chance for "Elizabeth: The Golden Age" because who wants to see a movie about Elizabeth Taylor? And this was an odd casting choice anyway since Blanchett doesn't much resember Taylor. Laura Linney played Jane in "The Savages" (I forget who was Tarzan), but Tarzan movies don't win. That leaves Ellen Page to win for her role as a Greek goddess in "Juno"; mythology movies are always popular.

I am confused; Michael Clayton got yet ANOTHER nomination this time as supporting ACTRESS for his/her role in "Tilda Swinton." I think s/he'll be disqualified when they do the testosterone test. They won't give the nod to Saoirse Ronan in "Atonement" because they don't know how to pronounce her first name. Rube Dee I'm sure was great in "American Gangster" but Al Capone biopics are so yesterday. Amy Ryan was probably really good in "Gone Baby Gone," but movies about runaway children are depressing. So that leaves Cate Blanchett to win, and she probably won't show up to collect her statue for her role in "I'm Not There", about an absentee landlord in 18th century Wallachia.

Now to turn to best picture. As previously explained, Hollywood's old men won't vote for "No Country for Old Men." Slasher flicks don't win, so good bye "There Will Be Blood." Apparently, Michael Clayton had himself turned into a movie too; that will confuse the Oscar voters. "Atonement" got some good reviews, but I don't see the attraction to watching some old person confessing to a priest and working on her rosary for 90 minutes. So "Juno," with its epic battle scenes between the Greek gods and the titans, wins it all.

Now for Best Dirctor. Michael Clayton gets ANOTHER nomination for directing a film called "Tony Gilroy." Never heard of him, won't win. You know the problems with "No Country for Old Men" and "There Will Be Blood." Julian Schnabel was nominated for "The Diving Bell and the Butterfly" but I don't see a movie about an aquatic insect winning anything. So give it to Jason Reitman for "Juno."

Now for a couple of the "other" categories. Look for the statue for achievement in cinematography to go to Roger Deakins for "The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford", coincidentally the ONLY movie nominated for ANY Oscar that I have managed to see so far. For best documentary, I like "Taxi to the Dark Side," about the shuttle service from Kazakstan to the Dark Side of the Moon, a service that has gotten surprisingly little attention. For best foreign language film, I'm sure there will be a winner but I can't pronounce any of them. Look for "Beaufort," the Israeli entry - "Beaufort" is Hebrew for "We Like Oscar Voters." And for best original screenplay, I think "Ratatouille" will win if only because it is the first-ever recipe to be made into a feature film.

So, log onto your favorite betting website (illegal in America, sorry) and place a ton of cash on the above.* You'll thank me.

* Disclaimer: not responsible for you losing your mortgage betting on Oscar picks. Try a wiser investment, like the horses.

Sorry

2008-02-15T17:32:00.002-05:00

It was an interesting week in Canberra. The new Parliament met for the first time since the elections. And Prime Minister Kevin Rudd, as promised, made "Sorry" the first order of business.

"Sorry" to the tens of thousands of aboriginals who as children were snatched away from their families to be raised in special schools and orphanages, a policy that lasted into the early 1960s.

The whole question of whether or not to apologize for this was a political football. But I thought Rudd did a good job, apologizing for the pain and dislocation it caused but without demonizing people who often thought (wrongly) that they were doing this for the good of the children. It was a moving day in Canberra and around the country; Rudd's speech was screened on the lawns of Parliament here in Canberra and in public venues all over Australia, drawing very large crowds to watch. I was touched particularly by the reaction of many older Aboriginals.

Aboriginal Australians on average live in deep, deep poverty, possibly even worse than some of the poorest Indian reservations in the US. One statistic I think really drives it home - life expectancy for Aboriginal Australians is 17 years less than for other Aussies.

So "sorry" doesn't end their problems. But it is a good step.

What's So Tough About This?

2008-02-05T05:09:00.001-05:00

The Washington Nationals made an interesting deal with top pitching prospect Jack McGeary, who wanted to go to Stanford. "Pitch for us in the summer, and we'll give you a big bonus ($1.8 million) and pay for your tuition at Stanford."

A savvy deal by the Nationals, and McGeary agreed. Fine. But why does this article describe this as such a tough prospect?

The gist of it: McGeary studies during the school year - apparently a heavy course load. During spring break, he goes to Florida and works with Nationals coaches. And during summer, he'll pitch for a Nationals minor league team.

In other words - McGeary goes to school full time, works during his spring break, and works during the summer. The only difference between THAT and what I did is that I also worked DURING the school year (often 40+ hours a week) and I got a lot less than $1.8 million for it.

I don't begrudge him the money - nobody held a gun to Jim Bowden's head and I generally don't mind about pro athletes making big bucks. It's a free market. But McGeary's plan only seems like a tough deal to the average sports journalist or baseball player who is used to nice long vacations, plenty of free time, and university classes (if any) like "Theory of Coaching Badminton" or "How to Interview A Jock."

I still remember what a relief it was to graduate and get a full-time job - because a 50-hour work week is easier than working 30-40 hours AND taking a full load of classes. McGeary will have it easy.

Alas, Yorick Looks at the One Hit Wonders

2008-01-30T22:16:00.000-05:00

One hit wonders - they've been around a while. Oddee says they are generally "novelty songs that are, to an extent, deliberately short-lived, recorded for humor or to cash in on a fad." But even in the Oddee list below there are clearly songs that were not recorded for humor or to cash in on a fad, so their definition is needlessly limited. And there are even some that I would argue really weren't one-hit wonders anyway.

But have a look at them, and see what the chief music critic at Alas, Yorick has to say about these tunes.

(Band - song)
1. Los Del Rio - Macarena (1996) Painful, a true national nightmare. Please think of the children before playing this one. And get your damn hands off my hips.

2. Vanilla Ice - Ice Ice Baby (1990) Lots of rap is self-referential. Most rap isn't this bad. Be thankful this was only one hit.

3. Baha Men - Who Let the Dogs Out? (2000) A travesty. Put the dogs back in, please.

4. Right Said Fred - I'm Too Sexy (1991) OK, this was a novelty act. But dammit, it was really catchy. "I'm too sexy for this song." Genius.

5. Dexys Midnight Runners - Come On Eileen (1982) I don't think they meant to be a novelty act. DMR were a big thing in Britain, definitely NOT a one-hit wonder. And this song, admittedly overexposed on MTV, wasn't bad.

6. Joan Osbourne - One Of Us (1995) This was an odd tune, with its imagining God spending a life riding the bus like the rest of us. But I liked it. And Osbourne is still performing.

7. Nena - 99 Luftballons (1984) Okay, this song definitely hit a chord with the American public in the cold war days of the mid-1980s, with nuclear freeze movements all over Europe and the US and real concerns about nuclear war. But it was a good song, and Nena was big in her native Germany.

8. The Knack - My Sharona (1979) Great great song. And much more decorous than "Good Girls Don't".

9. Meredith Brooks - Bitch (1997) Never heard of it. Didn't get much airplay in Mongolia, apparently.

10. Survivor - Eye of the Tiger (1982) Truly awful, it was a relief that Survivor were in fact a one-hit wonder.

11. New Radicals - You Get What You Give (1999) Huh?

12. 4 Non Blondes - What's Up (1993) Sorry, don't know it.

13. Sinead O'Connor - Nothing Compares to you (1990) Painful. Like all of her music.

14. Bobby McFerrin - Don't Worry Be Happy (1988) You know, if you don't hear it every 30 seconds, this is a catchy little tune.

15. Minnie Riperton - Lovin' You (1975) She had a great voice. She died young, of cancer aged only 31. Maybe she wouldn't have had just one hit. Seems a bit cruel to include her.

16. The Cardigans - Lovefool (1996) I've heard some Cardigans' songs, but not this one. That's OK with me.

17. Soft Cell - Tainted Love (1982) A great song.

18. The Archies - Sugar, Sugar (1969) This definitely fits Oddee's idea of one-hit wonder. But what a great, sweet one hit this was! I used to sing this song in bed when I was a kid.

19. Europe - The Final Countdown (1986) I WISH this had been the only Europe song I'd ever heard, but unfortunately I was exposed to many. The best thing about Europe is they made Asia seem not so bad.

20. Lou Bega - Mambo No. 5 (1999) Apart from the fact that his last name is the same as a prominent cheese-making center in Australia, I have nothing to say. Oh, except that mambo snakes are highly poisonous, even though they are not found in Australia.

21. Aqua - Barbie Girl (1997) This song got Aqua into some trouble when Mattel sued over its rather sexual depiction of Barbie the doll. But hey - it was accurate, wasn't it? I mean, what are you supposed to think about a doll with 46-22-36 measurements? Exactly.

22. EMF - Unbelievable (1991) Unbelievable that I have never heard of this song. Probably just as well.

23. Eifel 65 - Blue (Da Ba Dee) (1999) Looks like a wonderful song judging from the title. Too bad I never heard of it.

24. The Verve - Bitter Sweet Symphony (1997) One of the bittersweet episodes in rock history. Great song, interesting video. Song features a short sample - repeated many many times - from the Rolling Stones' song "The Last Time." The band (or their management) failed to get permission. Big lawsuits, and the label that owned the Rolling Stones' back catalogue won 100% of the royalties from this, the Verve's first big hit after years in the biz. Band breaks up. A sad story.

25. Falco - Rock me Amadeus (1985) This was just fun. That's OK.

26. Spandau Ballet - True (1983) True ... ly awful. Sorry. I don't like real ballet, either.

27. Chumbawamba - Tubthumping (1997) This was a great song, but anarchist rock bands and corporate record labels don't mix well...

28. Haddaway - What is love (1993) And what is this song?

29. Des'ree - You gotta be (1994) You gotta be kidding me. Never heard it. I probably would have hated it.

30. Blind Melon - No Rain (1992) Blind Melon may have had more hits if their lead singer hadn't died of a drug overdose.

31. Ziggy Marley - Tomorrow People (1988) Not to be confused with Bob Marley, who was a one-hundred hit wonder.

32. Buggles - Video Killed the Radio Star (1979) The answer to a trivia question, "What was the first song played on MTV?" It was a fun bit of new wave.

33. OMC - How Bizarre (1996) How bizarre that I never heard of this song.

34. Lipps, Inc. - Funkytown (1980) Truly funky. Part of the disco section on the otherwise rock-and-roll soundtrack to my high school life.

35. Semisonic - Closing Time (1998) NOOOO!!! NOOO!!!! MAKE IT STOP!!! Lame tune and truly inane lyrics. I have spent thousands of dollars in therapy trying to get this song out of my head. And now it's back. Thanks, Oddee. Be sure to check carefully before stomping out that burning bag on your porch tonight.

36. A-ha - Take on me (1985) Interesting animation for its video. Otherwise, I could forget it happily.

37. Frankie Goes to Hollywood - Relax (1984) ZZZZZZZZZ... huh, what's that?

38. Church - Under the Milky Way (1988) Hmm, missed that one.

39. Deee-Lite - Groove is in the heart (1990) My local rock station must not have played this one.

40. Wild Cherry - Play that funky music (1976) OK, THIS one is NOT a one-hit wonder. Sure, this is the only thing we heard by Wild Cherry - and it was a GREAT song. But lead singer Donnie Iris was at least a FOUR-hit wonder. Before Wild Cherry, Iris was with a band called the Jaggerz (hi, Mick!) and they had a great song called "The Rapper." You'd know it if you heard it. After Wild Cherry, Iris went solo. And he had at least two more moderate hits, with "Ah Leah" and "Do You Compute", both GREAT songs. Iris was no one-hit wonder. In fact, I think I need a greatest-hits compilation by him.

41. Edie Brickell & The New Bohemians - What I Am (1989) Slightly repetitive... but not bad!

42. Carl Douglas - Kung Fu Fighting (1974) Definitely in the novelty category - but WHAT a song. Every boy in the sixth grade was high-kicking to this tune!

43. Gary Numan - Cars (1979) Electronica... slightly sterile. I've heard worse.

44. Gerardo - Rico Suave (1991) Que?

45. Toni Basil - Mickey (1982) The biggest problem with this wasn't the song (which at the very least gets credit for inspiring Weird Al's "Rickey"). It was the beefy cheerleaders in the video! Little known fact - they filmed this video on the cheap, and used some East German track athletes who had defected to America.

46. The Weather Girls - It's Raining Men (1979) I managed to miss this one. Good thing too, it would hurt to be hit by such big raindrops. (On second thought, I think I might vaguely remember this. Maybe.)

47. Afroman - Because I Got High (2001) Missed it.

48. Wheatus - Teenage Dirtbag (2000) This is a GREAT SONG. And the Iron Maiden geek teenage dirtbag gets the cute metal-head girl! What's not to like?

49. L. A. Guns - The Ballad of Jayne (1989) It is a wise policy to avoid hair metal bands.

50. Cornershop - Brimful of Asha (1998) This title doesn't even make sense to me unless it refers somehow to say an Indian singer like Asha Bhosle. Guess I missed it. Oh well.

Now, Oddee also missed some other one-hit wonders. Such as:

Flash and the Pan - Hey St Peter

Stairway to Heaven - Led Zeppelin (wait, there may have been one other song...)

Satellite - The Hooters

Tell Me Why (I Don't Like Mondays) - The Boomtown Rats

The Monster Mash - Boris Karloff

Not Baaaad

2008-01-28T03:49:00.000-05:00

The latest nugget from our friends at Netflix was that rarity, a New Zealand horror movie.

What do New Zealanders know about horror, you ask? Well I'm not sure. But they know about sheep, and "Black Sheep" featured carnivorous sheep terrorizing one rural New Zealand sheep farm.

"Black Sheep" features jokes about sheep farts, sheep shagging, sheep sheering, and even mint sauce - all that you'd want in a farcical horror movie. And "Black Sheep" hits the sweet spot - tense and funny.

Happy Australia Day

2008-01-26T05:54:00.000-05:00

It's Australia Day, the day everybody celebrates the landing of the First Fleet at Sydney in 1788.

Well, the Aborigines don't celebrate it. They call it Invasion Day.

And many people in other parts of Australia don't care as much about it as in Sydney and New South Wales. For example, Western Australia was settled entirely separately and the First Fleet had no direct impact on that part of the country.

But still, it's a day for flying the flag, barbecuing, fireworks, and beer. And that's not bad.

Heath Ledger ... and the American Dream?

2008-01-24T20:30:00.000-05:00

Like everywhere else, sometimes people write stupid crap in the Australian press. A good example appeared in today's Sydney Morning Herald about the death of Heath Ledger. Sophie Gee, born in Australia and now an English professor at Princeton (as in New Jersey, USA), had an op-ed published in the SMH (and at least one other Australian newspaper in Brisbane) about Ledger - "How the American dream shattered an expat fantasy."

She talks about the low-key life Ledger apparently led in Brooklyn, which is fine. But then she says Ledger "went native" and

"started living the American dream. And everybody knows how that ends.

It ends with Jay Gatsby, a self-made man, lying face-down in the swimming pool of his mansion on Long Island."

I re-read Gee's piece, wondering if I had missed a leap of logic. But I couldn't find one. It went straight from "happy go lucky Aussie expat" to "American dream always ends in death".

I don't get it. Not everybody living the American dream ends up in a tragic death. Really. Hell, let's throw a few names out there right now of people who by any objective standard could be seen as living the American dream (i.e., getting rich and famous doing something they love to do) and see how many of them died too early or tragically:

Oprah Winfrey - alive
Bill Gates - alive
Joe DiMaggio - dead, but he lived to a ripe old age
Steve Tyler - improbably still alive
Steven King - alive
Meryl Streep - alive
Bruce Springsteen - alive
Spike Lee - alive
Warren Buffet - alive

Okay, that's a small sample - but so is the fictional Jay Gatsby. I'm still not quite sure what point Gee had, apart from the sad fact that Ledger did die "an American blockbuster death" - which ain't the same thing as dying from the American dream.

Maybe this is supposed to be a broader critique of American society. Well, American society has plenty of things to critique, true - but if that was the point, Gee did not develop it at all well in her op-ed, since most of it was a simple recitation of the facts of Ledger's too-short career and sad death.

Or maybe Gee, herself living the life of an Aussie expat working in the arts and living in the USA, somehow fears that she too will be contaminated in some way by overexposure to life in America and could end up facedown on a bed dead of a drug overdose, like the unfortunate Ledger?

But that would be cheap speculation...

Heath Ledger

2008-01-23T20:54:00.000-05:00

Unsurprisingly, the sad death of Australian actor Heath Ledger has dominated Australian media over the past day. Every major paper in Australia this morning had huge front-page spreads about Ledger's death (except the Australian Financial Review, which would only have put this on the cover if Ledger had died in the New York Stock Exchange instead of at home).

And there were lots of quotes from Australian figures about Ledger's death (Nicole Kidman, Geoffrey Rush, Russell Crowe (a New Zealander but he lives in Sydney), Cate Blanchett, etc) - not surprising.

But the Sydney Morning Herald had a weird to me para in its print cover story -"Only hours earlier, (Ledger's) Australian co-star in I'm Not There, Cate Blanchett, was nominated for two Academy Awards."

That just strikes me as an odd non sequiteur.

Cool Fun Questions!

2008-01-20T05:22:00.000-05:00

I'm sure you've all heard about Tom Cruise's fun Scientology pep talk appearing all over the web. What I thought was cool was an assortment of questions that Scientologists apparently ask people when they are assessing their personality. How many of THESE (courtesy of Radar) can you answer "yes" to truthfully? I have some commentary...

Have you ever enslaved a population?

Have you ever debased a nation's currency? Uh, well I played poker with Mongolian cash instead of poker chips, does that count?

Have you ever killed the wrong person? (I've never even killed the RIGHT person!)

Have you ever torn out someone's tongue?

Have you ever been a professional critic? No, but we're ALL amateur critics, right?

Have you ever wiped out a family?

Have you ever tried to give sanity a bad name? Every day.

Have you ever consistently practiced sex in some unnatural fashion?

Have you ever made a planet, or nation, radioactive? WTF?

Have you ever made love to a dead body? WTF?

Have you ever engaged in piracy? You mean, copying somebody else's CD? Or are we talking Blackbeard here?

Have you ever been a pimp?

Have you ever eaten a human body? Not knowingly.

Have you ever disfigured a beautiful thing?

Have you ever exterminated a species? Not knowingly.

Have you ever been a professional executioner? Yeah, I just moved here from Texas.

Have you given robots a bad name?

Have you ever set a booby trap?

Have you ever failed to rescue your leader?

Have you driven anyone insane? Apart from my parents and family and friends, you mean?

Is anybody looking for you?

Have you ever set a poor example?

Did you come to Earth for evil purposes? Hell I dunno, ask my mom. What am I, Clark Kent?

Are you in hiding? (yes)

Have you systematically set up mysteries? Okay, I don't even understand this one.

Have you ever made a practice of confusing people?

Have you ever philosophized when you should have acted instead? This one I could perhaps plead guilty to, depending on what they mean by "philosophized".

Have you ever gone crazy?

Have you ever sought to persuade someone of your insanity?

Have you ever deserted, or betrayed, a great leader?

Have you ever smothered a baby? Am I under oath?

Do you deserve to have any friends?

Have you ever castrated anyone?

Do you deserve to be enslaved?

Is there any question on this list I had better not ask you again? This one.

Have you ever tried to make the physical universe less real?

Have you ever zapped anyone?

Have you ever had a body with a venereal disease? If so, did you spread it? "A body with venereal disease?" How many bodies do you think I've ever had? Far as I can tell, it's just this one.

Alas, Yorick Warns You Away from Bad Movies

2008-01-06T04:07:00.002-05:00

Recently the mail dude dropped the latest Netflix offering in our mail box. It was a 1991 movie called "Slacker." It is supposedly a cult classic, and introduced the word "slacker" to the language, in the sense of the young people in the early 1990s "characterized by apathy, aimlessness, and lack of ambition."

Now, those are people I can relate to, so I sat down to watch it with some expectation that it might be a good movie.

Here is a plot summary: somebody (with one or two exceptions, a young person) delivers a soliloquy to somebody else while they walk around until he/she/they pass somebody else who is talking, and the camera sticks with them. All shot on a hot and sunny day near the campus of the University of Texas, in Austin, some time around 1990. (The walk-and-talk thing reminded me of West Wing, except West Wing had good dialogue and actors.)

There is no danger of a spoiler here, because to spoil implies that a movie has a plot twist or development, or indeed even a PLOT, to give away.

Now, I don't mind watching an aimless movie once in a while, and I am quite happy to watch a movie with essentially zero action (the most action I saw was a group of brats kicking a Coke machine to get a brown fizzy drink for free) and lots and lots of talking. Heck, I even liked the chatfest movie "Coffee and Cigarettes."

But I couldn't get into this for what I think are two reasons but may in fact be flip sides of the same coin - bad dialogue and bad acting.

These twenty-something slackers spoke in a way that is completely alien to how REAL people speak, in completely formed paragraphs. They didn't sound like they were speaking, they sounded like they were RECITING.

And almost immediately I could tell this movie used a lot of people who are not really actors. They certainly could have delivered the lines better, but even getting Clive Owen and Meryl Streep into this would have still left them with a clunky dialogue.

The cuts from one scene to another were pretty rapid. At first, I thought it was a shame because we moved onto the next characters before I could generate any feel for the character. But as the movie went on, I was GLAD for the cuts because by then I didn't WANT to get any closer to these clowns.

In one scene, a boom mike briefly dropped into the shot. That doesn't bother me much, the movie looks like it was all done in single takes.

But again, the dialogue and situations were absurd. One old goat comes home to see a skinny young dude in his house. Skinny young dude (SYD) reaches into the back of his shorts and pulls out a gun. Old goat (OG) says "you don't need that" and reaches out and takes it away from him. OG points out a photo from the early twentieth century on his wall and proceeds to lecture SYD about how the assassination of President McKinley by anarchist Leon Czolgosz was a political act and how we could use a hundred people like Czolgosz now. SYD listens respectfully to the lecture, stays for dinner with OG and OG's daughter, and eventually returns to the car where his two partners in crime berate him for failing to return with a television.

OG also says he was unfortunately off campus the day in 1966 when Charles Whitman got up in the University of Texas' tower and killed 14 people. I was fervently wishing Whitman had killed OG so we wouldn't have had to endure that conversation.

That was not the worst, lamest, or most poorly acted scene.

The FUNNIEST thing I saw was a bit of an accident only funny because of the timing in watching it. It was a "Ron Paul Libertarian for President" sign on the side of a truck.

I see references on the tubes we affectionately know as The Internets that mention "Slacker" in the same sentence as "sex, lies and videotapes" and "Clerks." DO NOT BE FOOLED. Yes, all were independent movies made at a time when such things were less common and got less exposure than today. But the other two are orders of magnitude BETTER than "Slacker."

"Slacker" is to "sex, lies and videotape" and "Clerks" as Biff Pocoroba is to Johnny Bench. Both were major league catchers, but Bench set the standard for slugging and defense among modern catchers, while Biff merely had a catchy name.

If this is on your Netflix queue, change it now. You should thank me.