The Plot to Kill Bo Schembechler

It's a plot. There is no way Bo Schembechler could have died by chance right before what is probably the biggest ever Ohio State-Michigan football game.

Here's how it happened. Desperate Michigan alumni (very shady characters) were looking for an additional source of inspiration to help boost the #2 Wolverines to victory over the #1 Buckeyes in Columbus this Saturday. What better way than with an inspiring death? The Gipper is long gone (and besides, he was at Notre Dame), and offing the Michigan Governor would probably be seen as too extreme, so this notorious Wolverine cabal decided to off Bo.

He was a perfect choice. First, he was one of the greatest Michigan coaches of all time, with a good record against Ohio State. And second, he was safely retired (so no direct impact) and old enough at 77 that his death would pragmatically not have that much of an effect apart from inspiring the Wolverine players.

So Michigan alumni doctors secretly fed Bo with chemicals that gave his already-shaky heart that final kick it needed for Bo to kick off.

Buckeye playerss, don't let the assassination of Bo Schembechler succeed. For the sake of Bo, beat Michigan.