Getting the Kinks Out of the Definitive 200

"The following list - the Definitive 200 - was developed by NARM, the National Association of Recording Merchandisers in celebration of the art form of the record album. The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is pleased to recognize this varied collection of some of history’s most influencial and popular albums, many of which are Hall of Fame Inductees. "

That is from the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. They were being very kind about "recognizing" this "varied" list (even if they failed to spell influential correctly). But the "Definitive 200" is one of the worst "all-time great album" lists I have ever seen.

I realize that I won't like all 200 albums in such a list unless I am the author. And I have no problem with the list going beyond rock and roll to include rap, blues, jazz, etc -- that's fine. But still, there are some truly inexplicable choices included - and some significant omissions, and many outright odd placements.

The list starts off well, if predictably.

1. BEATLES – SGT. PEPPER’S LONELY HEARTS CLUB BAND
2. PINK FLOYD – DARK SIDE OF THE MOON
3. MICHAEL JACKSON – THRILLER
4. LED ZEPPELIN – LED ZEPPELIN IV

Okay. Pepper's & Dark Side are very often at the top of such lists, with reason. "Thriller" was Jackson's best album and, although not my cup of tea, had all-time high sales and rave critical reviews, plus some neat videos from back when Michael Jackson still looked like Michael Jackson. It belongs in the top 200 and being near the top is OK. Led Zeppelin IV (aka "Zoso," the one with Stairway to Heaven) being so high is a small bit of a surprise; many critics don't rate that as Zep's best album, but it's not out of place.

But they have U2's "The Joshua Tree" at number 5. Hmm. It's not even U2's best or second or third best album. I might find a place for it in the top 200, but 5th? Nah. And somehow, they managed to include "The Joshua Tree" and "All that You Can't Leave Behind" but ignored "War," which is U2's best album, and if you don't agree with me on that you are a bad, bad person that Bono wouldn't like.

The next batch are predictable - Stones, Nirvana, Carol King ("Tapestry" always gets on these lists, not my bag but hey), Bob Dylan (3). There's some Prince -- I must admit, "Purple Rain" is a fine album -- and I think Santana's "Supernatural" is over-rated at #11 but clearly belongs somewhere.

But then, at #17, I see AC/DC's "Back in Black." Don't get me wrong, it's a great album. I bought it when it was new and I still like to put it on and play it loud. But I'm sorry, I don't see a place for it in the top 50 ... or top 100 ... maybe not even in the top 200. Especially when there is not ONE album by the Kinks in the entire list.

NOT ... ONE ... ALBUM by one of the top four bands that led the British Invasion, the band that introduced the heavy metal riff guitar with "You Really Got Me," the band that introduced transvestites to rock and roll with "Lola." Not one. Wow. The Beatles have 5 albums in the top 200 (plus one each for Lennon, McCartney, and Harrison), the Rolling Stones 4, the Who one (? Just ONE, for "Who's Next"? Not "Tommy", or" Quadrophenia"?), and the Kinks zip. But AC/DC has TWO in the top 60 ("Highway to Hell" at 58th), DEF LEPPARD has two, and even Bon fricking Jovi made the list.

In fact, heavy metal is over-represented. Usually, that's not the problem -- it doesn't get the credit it deserves. I'm glad Black Sabbath's "Paranoid" made the list, and one Ozzy Osbourne album, "Blizzard of Oz". Metallica shows up FOUR times -- maybe too many since that's more than Bob Dylan, Pink Floyd, or the Who. Or the Kinks times one million.

They made some VERY questionable choices on including soundtracks. Most lists along these lines don't consider soundtracks, although occasionally a soundtrack can be a good album, particularly if done by one artist -- listen to "The Virgin Suicides" by French popsters Air, or the soundtrack "Obscured by Clouds," by Pink Floyd. But to include the soundtrack to "Grease"?? Seriously, WTF mate? I'll give you the soundtrack to "Saturday Night Fever." As sick as I was of disco and the BeeGees, that movie soundtrack featured a lot of (gag) influential and popular songs. But "Dirty Dancing"? "Top Gun"? "TITANIC"??? How can you even let an album that Celine Dion had ANYTHING to do with get onto this sort of list? "Oh Brother Where Art Thou?" Hey, bluegrass and roots are great but if you needed to include something along those lines, better to avoid the movie-fied compilation. "Footloose"? "Forrest Gump"? I never heard anybody talk about the "Forrest Gump" soundtrack before, and they have it at #173, right behind an album by SHAKIRA (gag). By my count, that's eight soundtracks. Four percent of the "definitive" albums of all time are soundtracks. Wow.

Let's see some other dubious inclusions. The Dave Matthews band made the list. As one reviewer (who's name I forget) said, they are music for old people who want to think they're getting funky. By that, I mean they suck.

Kid Rock has one of the top 200 albums of all time? Tying The Who and beating The Kinks? I don't think so. Ditto Matchbox Twenty, one of the lamest acts ever to be a commercial success.

Janet Jackson is picked for TWO albums? Wow. Hell, her brother Michael only had three, and only two for Marvin Gaye and one for Miles Davis.

Oasis' "What's the Story Morning Glory" makes the list, but only at 124, behind such standouts as Kenny G's "Breathless" (Kenny G????) and CELINE DION and MARIAH CAREY.

There's plenty of rap, some of which I recognize (NWA, OutKast) and know has been important, even though I don't like it. But Will Smith has an album in the top 200. Will was a congenial rapper -- but honestly, wasn't his rap the hip-hop equivalent of bubblegum pop? So where's Sweet?

There is one inspired inclusion at #198, an album by a group that has enjoyed great commercial success but is usually ignored for such lists. Prog-rock sci-fi classic "2112", by Canadian power-trio Rush. That is a great choice. But it isn't enough to keep me from saying that overall, this list is a pretty feeble effort that includes far too much crap.