What I Saw at APEC

Those of you who aren't in Australia and aren't international policy wonks may have missed it, but the Asia-Pacific Economic Cooperation (APEC) Leaders' Meeting was held recently in sunny - uh, scratch that, it was actually rainy - Sydney. The official events ran September 2-9, with the various presidents, prime ministers, and kings (Brunei) assembling on September 8-9 to discuss matters of high economic and political import, and to wear funny shirts.

This year, the shirts weren't as funny; heck, they weren't even shirts. Prime Minister John Howard's wife Janette apparently took the lead in making the decision. Personally, I was hoping the Aussies would pick a loin-cloth or grass skirt to make a nod to Australia's Aboriginal tribes (although the idea of seeing a bunch of 50-plus world leaders showing that much flesh slightly turns my stomach). Failing that, I hoped she'd pick a classic Australian lifeguard outfit like they wear at Bondi Beach and Australia's other waterfront spots.

But no, she went with the conservative option - a Drizabone (pronounce "dry as a bone") coat (basically, a variation of a trench coat) that Australia's outback farmers and ranch workers wear to keep off the cold and (occasional) rain. One wag commented that the official APEC photo, taken in front of the Sydney Opera House, looked like a line-up of flashers.

Anyway, most of the APEC talks were about various things that I won't bore you with here, including a Sydney Declaration on Climate Change that was mostly notable for merely existing. But the big talk in Australia during APEC week and in the run-up to it was security.

The Australian security forces - the Australian Federal Police and the New South Wales state police - were determined to protect the APEC visitors, and their dignity. By "dignity" they mean, no pies in the face. I think they also meant, no contact with protesters. So they set up the Great Wall of Sydney - a charming array of nine-foot (2.9 m) tall metal fences that surrounded the main APEC leaders site - the Sydney Opera House - and cut a swath thru Sydney's central business district (CBD). It also surrounded the hotels where the highest-risk delegations, including the US, China, Russia, Japan, and Korea were staying. At various times, access thru the gates in this wall were limited to people with APEC passes. And if a motorcade was coming thru, even an APEC pass wouldn't get you thru - I got stranded for about 15 minutes on the final Sunday of APEC, after venturing out for a cup of coffee.

The police also denied protesters permission to come anywhere close to the Opera House or hotels with APEC leaders; most protesters (and there were a lot) were confined to Hyde Park.

So Sydney had a weird feel to it. At the start of APEC week it seemed fairly normal, although traffic from the airport to the CBD was light for a Monday AM. But by Thursday (the day before Leaders' events started) things were rather quiet - and Friday September 7 the streets of Sydney's CBD were completely empty, and almost everything was closed except for McDonalds and a few brave coffee shops and pubs. It was eerie. It actually reminded me of how Washington DC looks after getting two feet of snow - one lonely car here driving along, a pedestrian across the street, except with no snow.

So the Australian strategy of giving Sydneysiders a holiday on September 7 and encouraging them to get out of town for that weekend worked pretty well. Pity that the APEC leaders didn't really get to experience the normal Sydney though.

But the really big story for APEC week came courtesy of an irreverent bunch of Australian comedians who have a TV show called The Chaser's War on Everything; The Chaser specializes in silly stunts with real people. The Chaser crew assembled a fake motorcade - they chose Canada because they figured that wouldn't be a long one like the American or Chinese one. They stuck a Canadian flag on the front, put some fake APEC security credentials in the windows (which said they had access to APEC ice cream parlours), had a couple of non-official looking motorcycle cops, and drove off to the Great Wall of Sydney.

They get to the first check point - and they get WAVED THROUGH. They get to a second check point - and they get WAVED THROUGH AGAIN. At this point, they are right next to the hotel where President Bush is staying, and have a clear shot at the Sydney Opera House. The Chaser guys said they didn't expect to get this far, and weren't quite sure what to do. So they turned around.

Oh, and the motorcade dignitary got out of the car - comedian Chas Licciardello dressed as Osama Bin Laden. Then they got arrested (but not roughed up unlike one guy who jaywalked during APEC) and after record-breaking ratings when this aired, now they face an October court date.

See the video here. Funny. Almost made APEC worth the hassle.