Cool Fun Questions!

I'm sure you've all heard about Tom Cruise's fun Scientology pep talk appearing all over the web. What I thought was cool was an assortment of questions that Scientologists apparently ask people when they are assessing their personality. How many of THESE (courtesy of Radar) can you answer "yes" to truthfully? I have some commentary...

Have you ever enslaved a population?

Have you ever debased a nation's currency? Uh, well I played poker with Mongolian cash instead of poker chips, does that count?

Have you ever killed the wrong person? (I've never even killed the RIGHT person!)

Have you ever torn out someone's tongue?

Have you ever been a professional critic? No, but we're ALL amateur critics, right?

Have you ever wiped out a family?

Have you ever tried to give sanity a bad name? Every day.

Have you ever consistently practiced sex in some unnatural fashion?

Have you ever made a planet, or nation, radioactive? WTF?

Have you ever made love to a dead body? WTF?

Have you ever engaged in piracy? You mean, copying somebody else's CD? Or are we talking Blackbeard here?

Have you ever been a pimp?

Have you ever eaten a human body? Not knowingly.

Have you ever disfigured a beautiful thing?

Have you ever exterminated a species? Not knowingly.

Have you ever been a professional executioner? Yeah, I just moved here from Texas.

Have you given robots a bad name?

Have you ever set a booby trap?

Have you ever failed to rescue your leader?

Have you driven anyone insane? Apart from my parents and family and friends, you mean?

Is anybody looking for you?

Have you ever set a poor example?

Did you come to Earth for evil purposes? Hell I dunno, ask my mom. What am I, Clark Kent?

Are you in hiding? (yes)

Have you systematically set up mysteries? Okay, I don't even understand this one.

Have you ever made a practice of confusing people?

Have you ever philosophized when you should have acted instead? This one I could perhaps plead guilty to, depending on what they mean by "philosophized".

Have you ever gone crazy?

Have you ever sought to persuade someone of your insanity?

Have you ever deserted, or betrayed, a great leader?

Have you ever smothered a baby? Am I under oath?

Do you deserve to have any friends?

Have you ever castrated anyone?

Do you deserve to be enslaved?

Is there any question on this list I had better not ask you again? This one.

Have you ever tried to make the physical universe less real?

Have you ever zapped anyone?

Have you ever had a body with a venereal disease? If so, did you spread it? "A body with venereal disease?" How many bodies do you think I've ever had? Far as I can tell, it's just this one.