Today's Very Bestest Headline: "Boy band creator sentenced to 25 years in prison"

What a fine headline: "Boy band creator sentenced to 25 years in prison". A fitting fate for Lou Pearlman, who created those hideous musical abominations known as the Backstreet Boys and 'N Sync.

Now TECHNICALLY he was sentenced to 25 years in the slammer for scamming something like $300 million over the years.* Not scamming in the sense of selling Backstreet Boys and 'N Sync albums, tickets, and DVDs - after all, people more or less voluntarily paid for that crap. Nope, Pearlman was TECHNICALLY sentenced for defrauding banks and a bunch of investors.

But the crack news and research team at Alas Yorick has uncovered secret transcripts from U.S. District Judge G. Kendall Sharp's conversation with the prosecuting attorneys.
Prosecutor: We recommend 10 years, your honor.

Judge Sharp: Screw that. Do you know how much of that Back Street Boys shit I had to listen to? My daughters played it nonstop. And what's with these kids who want to be in boy bands? It's so wussy. They should be getting an ax and shredding like I did when I was 15 years old. No, this sonofabitch Pearlman is gonna pay for his TRUE crimes. I'm throwing the book at him.

Prosecutor: Rock on, your honor.

Defense attorney Fletcher Peackock:** I can't argue with that logic.

Twenty five years is still a bit light considering the enormity of Pearlman's crimes. After all, there is still the risk he could form a boy band while in prison. Could Bee-Hind Barz be the next big boy band? To guard against this risk, I recommend solitary confinement for Pearlman.

After all, somebody has to think about the children.

*I do give Pearlman some credit. I always laugh at those who get thrown in jail for skimming something like $20,000. Not worth it. But $300 MILLION? Now THAT is worth the risk! ;)

** Yes that is his real name.