Alas, Yorick

A blog about things.

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Snoop in Australia's Dogg House

Gangster rapper Snoop Dogg is in the news here -- seems the government has denied him permission to come to Australia for an MTV Australia awards ceremony. And did you know his real name is Cordozar Calvin Broadus Jr? No wonder he changed his name.

This is the highest-profile tangle for a foreigner with Australian officialdom since Sylvester Stallone got into a little trouble in February for arriving in Sydney with a banned human growth hormone in his suitcase...

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

ANZAC Day

Today is ANZAC Day, in many ways the real national day for Australia (equally important in New Zealand). The ANZACs were the Australia-New Zealand Army Corps, a unit organized after the outbreak of World War I; Australia and New Zealand enthusiastically supported the British Empire in this war and their men enlisted in huge numbers. The ANZACs were sent, with British and French forces, to invade the Gallipoli peninsula of Turkey, in Winston Churchill's effort to knock the Ottoman Empire out of the war quickly by seizing Constantinople. The Allies landed on Gallipoli on April 25, 1915, the beginning of a bloody and ultimately futile campaign that by the time the Allies withdrew in late 1915 saw over 8000 Australians killed (and 2800 New Zealanders, over 29,000 British, and about 10,000 French). It was also a campaign that forged the reputation of Kemal Ataturk, a Turkish general who went on to found the modern Republic of Turkey out of the ruins of the Ottoman Empire, and preserved Turkey from French, Greek, and Italian territorial designs after the war.

Australia doesn't have a date like the 4th of July to commemorate a sharp break with Britain, since Australian independence (like Canadian) was gained gradually and with the consent of Britain. It doesn't have a date like the 14th of July (Bastille Day in France) to remember a sharp break with the old regime, since Australia's system of government has also changed gradually. There has been no invasion of Australia (although the Aborigines don't agree) to remember. So Gallipoli in many ways was the first real shock to Australia -- and a battle where all of the states of Australia (plus neighbors in New Zealand) contributed troops to a collective army. Although the 8000 killed in Turkey were a fraction of the 58,000+ Australians killed in the First World War, Gallipoli was the first introduction of Australia to the brutality of modern war. And remember that although in the context of the terrible losses suffered in that war, 8000 doesn't sound like a lot, the male population of Australia at the time was less than 3 million.

One thing I find inspiring about all this is how this terrible campaign has forged real friendship between Australia and Turkey. There is even a memorial to Ataturk at the Australian War Memorial here in Canberra, and thousands of Aussies are greeted by Turkey every year at Anzac Cove, as the Turks now call the bay where the Aussies and New Zealanders landed over 90 years ago.

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Thursday, April 19, 2007

Screw You, Tomato

No, I'm not expressing hostility toward red vegetables ... er, or is the tomato a fruit? Heck, I can't remember.

I am in fact expressing my hostility to a calling card popular in Australia known as Talk Tomato. I bought one a few months ago, and it made calling the US much cheaper. Well, a couple of days ago I went to call the US after not having used the card in a few months -- and the automated woman voice told me my account was $0.01. Huh, says I to myself. So I called again and spoke to a real life woman voice operator type person. She told me that the Talk Tomato card had a little administration fee attached to it. That fee was 12 cents a day (10 cents US).

Every day those bloodsuckers at Talk Tomato took 12 cents in "administration" fees? I think the technical term is "theft". Needless to say, when I bought the card (which is actually a piece of paper with codes on it) there was NOTHING in there about administration fees. Zip. If you burn thru however many dollars you put on the card quickly, it might be a good deal -- the per minute charges were pretty low. But at 12 cents a day, your calls get expensive pretty damn quickly if you don't make calls all the time.

So I'm off of Talk Tomato, and will look for a new card. Screw You, Tomato.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Fat Bottomed Girls, They Make the Mauritanian World Go Round

If MSNBC is to be believed, the good men of Mauritania like their women ... large. The bigger, the better. They even force feed camel's milk to make their daughters heavier.

Well, it certainly beats starvation, I guess.

Monday, April 16, 2007

Aliens Attack Canberra!!!


Giant one-eyed aliens attacked Canberra the other night. What, didn't know about that? Face it, Australia never makes the news in the US.

Anyway, after a fierce battle, the Australian army used a withering barrage of artillery and managed to drive the aliens into the outback -- where with luck, they will die of thirst and snake-bite before they can resume their assault on Australia's capital.





(More photos from the Night of the Alien Attacks will eventually be available at the Hot Pink Muumuu...)

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Wednesday, April 11, 2007

An Odd Situation


You know the afterlife of Anna Nicole Smith is just as odd as her actual life when the photos in the press are of a man who is HAPPY at being named as the father of a child whose paternity was in dispute!

Sunday, April 08, 2007

Surfing, Canberra-style

If you look closely at a map of Australia, you can see that Canberra is about 100 kilometers away from the ocean as the crow flies. But that doesn't stop this guy from managing to find a prime surf spot right here in the Australian Capital Territory (click here to watch). 'Course, it's only available during torrential downpours so this isn't exactly a big competitor for Surfer's Paradise or Bondi Beach.

Thursday, April 05, 2007

Australian Vocabulary Lessons V

Yet another installment in this award-winning segment of lessons in Australia's unique version of English. I've heard all of these words in daily conversation and/or on TV and radio. Hit the links for the real answers, and try them on your friends and neighbors.

Skinny flat white: a) the affectionate Aussie nickname for Kate Moss; b) a cup of espresso coffee with non-frothy skim milk; c) a particularly tasty Aussie treat featuring alternating layers of butter, Vegemite, and butter on very flat toasted Turkish bread.

Chook: a) a chicken; b) a particularly tasty Aussie treat featuring alternating layers of butter, Vegemite, and butter on very flat toasted Turkish bread; c) to vomit.

Bodgie: a) a particularly tasty Aussie treat featuring alternating layers of butter, Vegemite, and butter on very flat toasted Turkish bread; b) a style of swimsuit usually seen in rural Queensland that allows significant butt-crack to show on heavy-set men; c) fake, false or worthless.

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

One Man's Short Assessment of the Sydney Opera House


So today I took a long guided tour through the Sydney Opera House. It is a very noice building. My main impression, outside of the fact that it is white, beautiful, sail-shaped, nestled on Sydney's harbor, and all that, is that it has a LOT of steps. I counted, altogether, 213 steps up, and 211 steps down, during the course of the tour. Be tough to negotiate in a wheelchair.