Accent on the Accent

Canberra has a new automated taxi dispatch system that is annoying the locals. It's one of those voice-activated things that wants you to tell it what you want, including the address for pickup. One of its problems is it doesn't deal very well with foreign accents. A friend has a husband from Scotland and she always has to make the call for him. And even my mild, midwestern American accent defeats the stupid thing, and I end up having to talk to an actual human being.

Slip, Slap, Slop

This is one reason beach-loving Australians have reputedly the highest rate of skin cancer in the world - proximity to the ozone layer hole over the Antarctic, which is apparently bigger than ever.

So the government encourages people to slip-slap-slop -- slip on a shirt, slap on a hat, and slop on some sunscreen. Probably a good idea...

Australian Vocabulary Lessons (I)

Okay, here's your chance to learn some Aussie words, all of which I have heard in conversations or on Australian television, or read in Aussie newspapers. For the right answer, check the links.

Hoon (noun): a) a large humanoid with furry feet in an upcoming Peter Jackson movie; b) the feeling you get when you've spent a night drinking too many Crown Lagers; c) some hotrodding jerk who drives like shit.

Rort (verb and noun): a) to commit fraud; fraud; b) to vomit, usually after a night of drinking too many Crown Lagers; vomit; c) the mating act of wombats.

Chunder (verb): a) to vomit, usually after a night of drinking too many Crown Lagers; b) to evade your opponent in a rugby game by giving him a head fake; c) to bluff at poker.

Prang (noun): a) slang for the male sex organ; b) an automobile accident; c) the feeling you get when you've spent a night drinking too many Crown Lagers.

Farrell and Reilly and Dingos

Over the past two weeks I've seen Will Farrell and John C. Reilly all over Australian TV. They're here pushing "Talladega Nights," which looks like "Anchorman" on four wheels. Will and John C. have done "Rove Live," a popular talk show (no, Karl Rove isn't involved), did a schtick behind the wheels of a stock race car on the all-rugby-league-all-the-time uber-manly weekly "The Footy Show," and even appeared on a big special celebrating 50 years of Australian TV. I hope they're better in the movie than they have been here -- nothing they've done here has really seemed all that funny and neither of them showed any emotion beyond the "do I have to do this to promote this damn movie" expression on their face.

Speaking of 50 years of Australian TV, I remember somebody (and I can't remember who it is) who always, whenever the topic of Australia came up, would say in an over-the-top faux Aussie accent, "The dingo's got my baby." Turns out that line was from reality. The #9 moment in Australian TV was when a couple out camping reported that their 9-week old baby had disappeared. And the mother was on TV, saying "The dingo's got my baby." Reality is stranger than fiction.

Unadventurous Meals Are Available in Canberra

The other night after a long day at work, I didn't feel like cooking nor like going out, so I thought I'd give Domino's a call and eat a pizza while watching some rugby league action. As in the US (usually), Domino's here delivered the pizza pretty quickly. (And as in the Washington DC area, it was delivered by a polite immigrant.)

It was a bit expensive by US standards, about US$15 for a "large" pepperoni with tip. ("Expensive" is relative, in Tokyo that would've been probably $30. I never called out for pizza in Japan!)

Unlike US Domino's, here they have only one size, which they called a "large" pizza but Americans would call "medium" -- about 12 inches I guess. But it was reasonably tasty, considering it was Domino's. And they put much more pepperoni on the top than I'd expected, which was nice...

Rivalry and Stupidity

Everybody knows that the backup player in a team sport often harbors a wish that his rival for the starting spot gets injured or leaves the team to join a monastery or something. But few will go as far as Northern Colorado back-up punter Mitch Cozad, who stabbed starting punter Rafael Mendoza in the leg. Cozad was caught because he used a car traceable to him to get away from the scene of the crime.

Moral of the story: never use your own car to commit crimes.

The Education of a Travel Writer

Travel columnist Terry Riley addresses a grave issue for all American travelers who go abroad. Don't use that extra piece of porcelain in your Parisian hotel room to wash your feet or ice down your beer...

Homework Is Overrated?

Where were these studies saying homework is over-rated when I was in high school? Not that I needed a study to confirm that...

Football (1), Football (2), Football (3), Football (4), and Football (5)

There sure is a helluva lot of football going on. Australia has just entered the "footy finals" -- in American terms, the playoffs for both the Australian Football League (AFL -- Aussie Rules, you know the rounded field and the guys in lab coats who do a cool little hand signal when a goal is scored) and the National Rugby League (NRL -- plays Rugby LEAGUE rules, not to be confused with Rugby UNION rules) began this weekend, and the airwaves were full of big tough guys running and tackling.

The games themselves are entertaining, if a bit odd to American eyes. But what's really odd is the actual playoff system. Both the AFL and NRL take the top 8 teams into the playoffs. But they use what's called the McIntyre System. Basically, all 8 teams play the opening weekend. The two lowest-seeded losers are done for the season. The two highest-seeded winners get a week off (and get to host the semifinals), while the other four teams play another round to determine which two will play in the semis. Adding a twist to things, the AFL doesn't match 1 vs 8, 2 vs 7, etc (NRL does); instead, it matches 1 vs 4, 2 vs 3, 5 vs 8, and 6 vs 7 to make the opening round games more competitive. That seemed unfair to me at first but remember -- only the two lowest-ranked losers are eliminated, so teams 1, 2, 3, and 4 are guaranteed to go through to the next round. But they play for the right to have a week off and host the semifinal game.

It's very weird and exotic to somebody used to American sports -- but it has the great benefit of giving the top teams a little margin for error. One loss does NOT necessarily put you out of contention, although it certainly makes the path to the championship more difficult. (Unfortunately, the local Canberra Raiders were bounced out of the NRL playoffs.)

OK, that's Football (1) and (2). In Football (3), Australia was defeated by South Africa in an international Rugby Union match. That game was on at some weird hour (played in S. Africa) so I didn't see it.

Football (4) is here too, but like Americans, the Aussies call this one soccer. Aussie soccer fans are still ruing the national team's 2-0 loss at Kuwait in Asia Cup qualifying (no worries though, the Socceroos are already qualified) and the loss of Sydney FC star Dwight York (Trinidad international) who left to join Sunderland in England. Soccer is definitely the poor cousin to its rougher cousins here.

And Football (5) isn't as far as I can tell actually played here, but I was glad to see #1 Ohio State pounded #2 Texas (in Austin!) 24-7 in the opening week of American college football. Go Buckeyes! And go Bengals -- the NFL is firing up too.

So much football, so little time.

Another Famous Australian Dies

It's been a bad week for famous Australians. First, Steve Irwin is killed by a stingray. And on Friday, Australia's top auto racer Peter Brock was killed during a rally in Western Australia. Unlike Irwin, Brock's family has accepted the offer of his home state of Victoria to give him a state funeral.

Observations about Australia (Part I)

Ok, I said this blog would be partly about me discovering what life in Australia is like. Here's an observation for you.

Sign Here, Please
You know how in the US nobody ever checks your signature when you use a credit card? Read about the hilarious Credit Card Prank to see how cavalier US retailers are about this. I have occasionally signed my name as "Thor," especially when having to sign one of those stupid electronic pads where I can't accurately recreate my crabbed signature (which even on a good day resembles that of a slow-witted right-handed fourth-grader having to use his left hand because he broke his right hand punching a wall after being sent to his room for pulling his sister's hair) anyway.

But don't try this trick in Oz! I've used my credit card maybe six times here, at grocery stores, restaurants, crack houses, electronics stores, and illegal gun shops (I'm telling the truth about three of those five). Each and every time I've pulled out the old MasterCard and signed the slip, the salesperson/waiter/drugpusher has very carefully compared the signature on the receipt with the one on the back of my credit card. Good thing I didn't try my "Thor" trick before learning this basic fact. I wonder how they would humiliate me if they determined my signature was not close enough to the one on the back of that piece of plastic? Hope I never find out.

So, if you ever come to Australia, make sure your credit cards are signed, and be very very careful when signing the authorizations.

Recommending Automatic Daddy

I came across this blog by accident -- but Tom Daugherty's writing is funny and interesting. He won me with this comment, about Saturday Night Live:

Cheri Oteri- a braying attention whore who, I'm guessing, never saw her script until one minute after cameras started to roll. She looked offstage for direction more often than the dog on Frasier. One mitigating factor to be considered on her behalf: after SNL, she pretty much slipped away quietly without notice. I think someone should check for any weird smells that might be coming from her apartment door.

Alas, Steve Irwin

I turned on the radio and heard that Aussie television legend Steve Irwin ("The Crocodile Hunter") died today. The state of Queensland reports he was fatally stabbed by a stingray while filming.

I know people will make cracks about living by the sword and dying by the sword (or the wild animal, in Irwin's case) but it's still a shame. He was probably the best-known Australian man in North America (Mel Gibson, despite the accent, is an American citizen; Nicole Kidman is famous but I bet most Americans don't know she's Australian). This also reinforces what I've already learned (from books and people, not in person) -- there are lots of dangerous things in Australia and its water.

In honor of Steve, who was a bit of a goof but fun to watch, all I can offer is a very sad "crikey."

Nitpicking Frank Welsh's history of Australia

I just finished reading Frank Welsh's new book, Australia: A New History of the Great Southern Land.

I liked it. It was comprehensive, beginning with early European exploration of Australia's coasts (Welsh, citing the lack of written records about the Aborigines, touched only very lightly on Australia's history before European contact), and running up to Australia's defeat by England in the November 2003 Rugby World Cup. I think it has improved my understanding of Australia.

But it could have used some closer editing. There are several small errors that I noticed. In one place, Welsh writes that Britain joined the European Economic Community (now the European Union) in 1971. Wrong, it was 1973. In another spot, he refers to the elections of Ronald Reagan and Margaret Thatcher in 1979; Reagan was elected in 1980. He wrote that the ozone hole over the Antarctic was caused by global warming when actually, it is due to destruction of ozone by chlorofluorocarbons (CFC). And finally, Welsh wrote that it had been fourteen years ("fourteen," not "14") between visits to Australia by President Lyndon Johnson (1967, for PM Harold Holt's funeral) and by President George H. W. Bush in 1991.

Sloppy editing perhaps, but it makes me wonder if there were errors that I simply don't know about lurking in this otherwise impressive and useful book.

Some First Impressions from Oz -- Birds, Coffee, and Rock Radio

I've been in Australia for a week now, specifically in Canberra, the capital. Some first impressions.

It's dry. It rained my first day here which is good, because southeastern Australia (really, most of Australia) is a pretty dry place that's been suffering from droughts for the past several years. If we don't get more rain soon, Canberra may face even tighter water restrictions than it does currently. But it's a beautiful city, although "city" may not be the right word. Canberra is a series of suburbs nestled in parks and greenery. And it's full of birds that are spectacularly beautiful and odd-looking and -sounding to North American eyes and ears. There's one bird that I hear every morning that sounds just like a squeaky see-saw.

The coffee here is incredible, as are the restaurants. Canberra's not big, but it has a great culinary scene. Australian cuisine is no longer boiled veggies and a bit of roast mutton.

And finally, Australian radio actually plays rock music. One station I've been listening to has played a great range of new music by bands like the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, the Raconteurs (actually, they're called the Saboteurs here, some Aussie band already has the name and wouldn't give it up so Jack White's new project had to come up with an Aussie-only name), the Strokes, Wolfmother (not surprising, that's an Aussie band), the Bees. Not one song by Creed or Korn or Nickelback or Matchbox 20 or the lame Dave Matthews Band, the stuff that passes for rock radio in the US. There is an occasional hip hop or dance tune thrown in, but the quality of the music being played -- stuff that simply doesn't get onto American radio -- more than compensates.