Update on the Light Phobic Neighbor

On Sunday evening the landlord (who lives far far away from here) calls. She said she had gotten a letter from our neighbor across the road, code name Fargo, complaining to HER about our insensitive insistence on keeping a lightbulb lit on our front porch after dark. The landlord said she called her uncle (who lives here) to ask and when she gave him the name of our friend Fargo, he laughed. Because he had just seen a letter from him to the local newspaper complaining about porch lights, commercial lights, car headlights, etc. Though he didn't name any names.

About an hour later somebody knocks on the door. It's 10:45 PM on a cold and very snowy night (we'd gotten about 15 inches). I knew who it would be. I was right, it was our old friend Fargo.

I opened the door and said "I'm sorry but I'm leaving the light on, you might as well go home". He said "You're leaving it on because you're a stubborn asshole." I repeated my line, he repeated his, I closed the door, he left.

As encouraged before, we called the cops. A couple of patrolmen came by a few minutes later, I told them the above. They looked at our blinding 60-watt lightbulb, and shook their heads. They trudged across the snowy street to talk to Fargo. But curiously, Fargo's house was pitch black. It's NEVER completely dark at his house. You can see lights in his house (and now his Christmas tree) until late at night because he NEVER closes any blinds or curtains... which might help him to blot out the terrible bright lights that inflict his sensitive little eyes.

The cops stood outside of his mysteriously dark house for about 10 minutes, knocking. I don't believe Fargo ever answered the door.

So the count: two personal visits; two stolen light bulbs; one letter to our landlord; one letter to the local paper. That doesn't include him smashing his immediate neighbors' lightbulb in their driveway, coming to our neighbors on our left in his underwear late at night to scream about his lights, following the same neighbor (a tall, big burly guy) home from the local convenience store late at night screaming at him about his lights, etc.

Truly a charmer.

The Saga of the Disappearing Light Bulbs

A few weeks ago, a lightbulb disappeared. It was from the outside light on our front porch. And it disappeared yesterday, as well.

In between was much drama.

It seems that this lightbulb offended a guy who lives across the road. Not DIRECTLY across the road - across the road from our neighbors to our right. With the leaves coming off of the trees, now this 60 watt lightbulb shines directly into his house, deeply disturbing him.

How do I know this? He told me. After the first bulb disappearance (a Saturday), we received a letter on that Tuesday from this person, which said (paraphrasing slightly) that our outside light bugged him, so we should spare him and turn it off. That same Tuesday evening our esteemed neighbor from across the road knocked on the door, reeking of booze. He again asked me to turn off the light, which he said was designed to bother him. Many insulting things crossed my mind, including the impulse to tell him to draw his blinds or close his curtains. But I was really pissed, so I kept it short and civil. I told him that I would leave the light on at night, period. We went back and forth a few times, getting nowhere. I finally said "good night" and closed the door. A few minutes later I checked - he had unscrewed the lightbulb. I screwed it back in. The combination of the letter, his harangue, and the unscrewed lightbulb seems to me to be pretty strong circumstantial evidence that this person was the lightbulb thief.

Now this same guy had back in August come out late one night and screamed at our neighbor on the left about HIS light. So he has a track record. On the Wednesday after our Tuesday encounter, he followed our left-neighbor (a very nice guy) home from a convenience store, haranguing him the entire way about HIS light. Our neighbor called the police, but Mr Easily Disturbed By Distant Lights stood there yelling at him anyway. The police showed up quickly.

Mr Easily Disturbed By Distant Lights has been warned about his behavior at least twice now by the police. I thought maybe he had gotten over it, but the disappearance of the lightbulb again shows that perhaps he hasn't. This is not a particularly narrow road. Both houses are reasonably well back from the road as well, unlike some streets here. The STREETLIGHT that is directly in front of this guy's house doesn't seem to bother him. But our feeble little 60 watt bulb somehow does.

Who is this clown? He's nobody special. However, he is nobody special who has had a film made about him by a family member! You can check out the trailer for this documentary, and learn our neighbor's name and see his face, here. I haven't watched the whole thing yet.